Pyelonephritis

I don't believe that I have ever felt as sick as I did on the 16th. I woke up at 4am with the chills, body aches, the ague, and just generally feeling awful. I felt so bad I considered going to the ED, but thought better of that and waited to see the doctor on call at 9:15. I got even worse there, vomited while Dr. Anu was examining me. She was so sweet, she held my head while I was throwing up in her exam room sink. She admitted me to the hospital from the clinic. She thought maybe I was having an acute GB attack, as I was painful in the RUQ. I had a little right flank pain, but no CVA tenderness on percussion. I vomited again on the way to the hospital. At the hospital I got an IV and was given Levaquin and Flagyl. Blood work and urinalysis was done. My white count was 8, which is usually normal, but the week before I had been 4, so that was a significant rise for me. I had nitrites and some leukocytes in my urine. My GB sono was normal, as was my chest x-ray, so the diagnosis was pyelonephritis. I felt better the next morning by 7:00am. I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. Wayne and Scooter missed me. Scooter wouldn't sleep in his kennel, but slept in the living room waiting for me. Thank goodness I have the next three days off. I hope I never get that again!

Good news!

I got the results of the MRI yesterday from Dr. Collins. No evidence of disease in the left breast! Wahoo!! Because of the surgery, there are a couple funky areas in the right breast, but Dr. Fernandez doesn't call them suspicious, just wants to keep an eye on them. We don't have the mammogram result yet, but that should also be good news!

On a sad note, my friend Cindy Cunningham's father passed away earlier this week. He had just moved back here from Arizona. Had only been here a week. Cindy is on the volunteer fire department in Royal, and she got "toned out" to her mom's address. Of course she responded. She thought he had a faint pulse when she got there, so she turned up his oxygen. By the time the rest of the guys got there, he was in full arrest. It is a little crazy, as he was still married to his wife in Arizona, but they were going to get a divorce.

I am doing another block of the month at the Needle 'n I in Rantoul. This one is a Moda University mystery quilt. Did the first one last night. It is an applique basket. Pattern is cute, not too sure I like the fabrics. But it will help me stretch out of my comfort zone. I just have the outside border to quilt on the Illiana shop hop quilt, then put on the binding. I think that I will do a piped binding ala Ricky Timms.

The waiting game

I had the mammo and MRI on Friday. The mammo wasn't any worse than before surgery. We now have digital at Christie, so I was able to look at the images. Nothing popped up as suspicious, and the tech didn't seem worried about anything.

Because we were going out to supper, I only took half of my prescribed Xanax, and then only 15 minutes before the MRI. Should have taken the whole pill. I was awake for the entire time. Didn't get claustrophobic too bad. The laying still was hard. My forehead was hurting from the pressure, and my left shoulder was really aching. My upper arm was numb the rest of the day. I made a game of how much longer by counting songs. Carla said it would take 40 minutes. I figured 12 songs should do it. It was over after 8. One of the songs was Rod Stewart's Maggie May, my theme song. I had my ring rosary in my pocket, and it would vibrate every time the magnet would engage. It reminded me that Steve was looking over me.

Now I just have to wait for Dr. Fernandez to read the films. She was in Las Vegas last week. One person said she would be back today, another thought it would be Wednesday. I won't get antsy until later this week. I see Dr. Chaudry on Friday anyway, so he should have the results. Gotta remember to get my blood drawn Wednesday or Thursday. I am going to have my cholesterol checked, as well as a thyroid panel. I figure, if the radiation got my esophagus and trachea, it may have gotten my thyroid also.

Laurie was able to get down for Wayne's birthday. We had a nice visit. Wayne was surprised and happy.

It's not fall yet!

Those folks who are poo pooing global warming as rubbish should check out the weather. It's supposed to be 90 degrees the next few days. The nights are cooler, but that is still a little warm. I decided a few weeks ago to make chicken matzo ball soup today and invite some of the neighbors. I figured it would be getting soup weather. WRONG! Still gonna make it. Maybe it will start to get cool next month.

Wayne's birthday is tomorrow. His daughter Laurie is gonna try to come down and surprise him. That will be great.

I have my mammo and breast MRI tomorrow afternoon. My left breast is sore from regeneration of nerves after the radiation. I hope it doesn't hurt too much. I don't know if I will be needing the Xanax for the MRI, but I'll take half a pill just in case. I see Dr. Chaudry next Friday. He didn't want me to have an MRI, but Dr. Collins and Dr. Fernandez and I want it, so we overrule him. I would rather have a benign biopsy after a false positive, then let a cancer grow. As my breasts are "new", Dr. Fernandez will not have anything to refer to compare.

I am having a few more aches and pain. Probably from the Femara. I had a 4 day weekend last week, and probably overdid it. Planted some daffodil bulbs, got wore out before I quit, but pushed myself to finish an area. That was on Saturday. Then Sunday midafternoon, I just got really fatigued, and that didn't go away until Tuesday morning. Right now both of my shoulders are aching. Yesterday my right thumb had a deep, annoying ache.

Got my Grace frame set up on the patio. Got a speed control for the Janome 1600. Waiting for the new no-flex carriage. Made zippered leaders, I'm ready to quilt.

Speaking of quilting, I'm going to Paducah! My internet friend Sarah Ann Smith is going to be teaching. I was very lucky and got a handicapped room in a Hampton Inn not too far from the expo center. Ideal would have a room at the center, but those are available by lottery. I offered Sarah my help, and she accepted. It is gonna be a great time. I am really psyched up.

Love the fall weather

It is starting to be fall. The nights are cool, the days are sunny and just right warm. We turned the air conditioner off, and sleep with the patio door in the bedroom open. If it weren't for the hot flashes, it would be great sleeping. I think I was awake every hour last night. Now I think I have conjunctivitis. I don't want to call in sick, but I shouldn't work if I do.

I have been busy in the sewing room. I have the Illiana quilt top done and ready to be quilted. I finished the Frank Lloyd Wright wall hanging. Also a baby quilt for Jaime Coykendall Thomas. I am working on "Opulence" which is very pretty. Giving me fits as I need to "black" out some stray elements and haven't found a successful way of doing this. I want to do some bobbin embroidery using Ricky Tims' Razzle Dazzle thread. I will be getting my Grace Frame set up on the back patio soon. I have at least 5 tops that need to be done. I am going to make zippered leaders, so that it will be easier for me to get the tops on and off.

I have my first mammogram and breast MRI scheduled for October 5. I am surely hoping that it looks good.

Wayne is getting worse, as far as his mood. He cussed me out on the street the other day for really nothing. He thought I should call Nextel information to see why my phone wasn't working. We were going to the Nextel service center right after we ate lunch at the big house, so I thought we should wait until then. This was not acceptable. Phone wasn't working because services had been transferred to the new phone that he had bought me. Certainly nothing to be cussed at for.

Getting past the August blues

Well, I think the August blues are behind me. But you never can tell when they will sneak back up.

August 23 was 8 years since Joey was killed. We started the day going to church for communion service. Fr. Mal was on vacation, so Deacon Andy Heckman had the service. I lit a candle for Joey. We then started on my second quilt shop hop. This one was the Illiana Quilters' Shop Hop. This was their second one, but my first time going. We went in the Thunderbird, because I wanted to get some more miles on it. It was gonna be a hot day, so I planned that I would have to put the top up. Wayne was crowded, hot, and uncomfortable, and let me know it. We started the hop in Rantoul. From there we went to Rankin to the cemetery. Wayne stayed in the car, which I assumed he would do. I don't think Rick goes to the cemetery. I never see any flowers there except the ones that I take. Isn't that sad. Then we went to Cissna Park. It was starting to get hot, but Wayne didn't want to put the top up until after we ate, because it is easier for him to get in and out with the top down. Although I did offer to put the top down to facilitate his getting in and out. Next stop was Henning's in Hoopeston for lunch. Food was not as good as it has been in the past. But did have lemon meringue pie. Then to the shop in Hoopeston, which is very nice. They have nice chatty newsletters. Too bad it is too far away to make regular visits. I put the Magellan GPS to use after this, as the next two shops were new to me. The Magellan got me to the shop in W. Lafayette, IN no problem. The shop in Lafayette was more of a problem, as the GPS didn't recognize the address. I felt fairly vulnerable because I didn't have a paper map. I did have a Google map print out of directions. Between the two, we got there. Of course, I was stressed because I am driving in unfamiliar territory, and Wayne is doing his customary back seat driving (sniping). I hit a curb by cutting a corner too short, but I was watching for traffic on the left while trying to make a right hand turn onto a busy street. Wayne yelled, cussed at me. I pulled off and started crying. He asked, demanded what was wrong with me. I can't change Wayne, I can only change myself. The shop in Lafayette is small, and is in a very old church. Very cute! From there we went to the shop in Danville. Now I have been there, but I thought I would just let the GPS direct me. It took a back way. Not really the best way. Wayne got out of the car there, because he was thirsty and had to go the bathroom. They had bottled water and cookies there, and he sat and talked with one of the ladies while I shopped. I like the Danville shop. I picked up one of their newsletters, and I think I am going to take a class this fall. Can't decide between crazy quilting or a class to make up the Illini quilt kit that I bought. I'm leaning towards the crazy quilting. They also have a monthly Linus Project club, which I think I am going to join. I like making quilts for kids, and these go to good causes. Last stop of the day was Urbana. Signed up for the Quilt Pink. They are making a quilt to raffle and proceeds will go to the Mills Breast Cancer Center. Then home. I was in a bad mood the rest of the day. Fell asleep crying.

Friday started out better. Because it was gonna rain, we took the Escape, so Wayne was more comfortable. We had a periodontal cleaning to start the day. Then off to Bourbonnais. The Magellan was fantastic, took us right to the shop. I liked that shop. Then to Manteno. We ate at a Huddle House, which is like a Waffle House. The Magellan again took us right to the shop. The last stop was Crown Point, IN. The Magellan took us to US30. Google maps took us a different way. I would have thought US30 would be faster. Probably would have been, had the traffic been moving faster than 5mph. It had been a good day until then. We spent 3 hours stuck in traffic, until we got to US41, which I turned down. The Magellan reconfigured, and got us to the shop. Wayne got in a pretty foul mood while we were sitting in traffic. I finally told him to pray the rosary, and he sarcastically laughed. I got my rosary out, and I did pray the rosary. The traffic started moving when I got near the last bead. I held the rosary through the rest of US30. Coming home we had to outsmart the Magellan. It wanted to take us back to US30 for shortest time, so I asked for shortest distance, which took us on a lot of back roads. When we got to US 41, I took it to IN63, and got home. We were home too late to go out with the Cunningham's, but went later to play cards.

I am trying to improve my internal thoughts about Wayne. I am afraid he is going to die too soon, and that being alone will be much worse than caring for him. I do love him. I do miss the Wayne that I fell in love with.

Meltdown

I had a meltdown on Sunday the 5th. 27 years ago that day was BJ's last full day of life. I worked 8-2 as usual. Busy, but not hectic, but got behind on my dictation, so didn't leave work until almost 3pm. Went to County Market and bought groceries. Came home and unloaded the groceries. Finished the laundry, read the newspaper. I had a roast in the CrockPot, so only had to make mashed potatoes and a vegatable. When supper was ready, Wayne was still watching a movie, which he couldn't put on hold, so he ate in the living room in front of the TV. I ate by myself at the dining room table. I was cleaning up the supper dishes, when Wayne hollered for me to clean him. It struck me wrong. I felt like smashing the measuring cup that was in my hand. I went in and did the task. Wayne could tell I was mad. I was mad. Not at him. I don't know what I was mad at. Mad that I had lost BJ. Mad that I had lost Joe. Mad that it was August again, that hateful month when so many that I loved had died. Mad that nobody ever calls me up to see how I am doing. Oh, I get phone calls. People wanting my help. Mad that my best friend Steve has died. Mad that I have breast cancer, and not knowing what will happen to me. Wayne thought I was just mad at him, starting getting upset that I was upset, because he can't do anything. But it wasn't about Wayne. He started crying. What about ME?