The doldrums

The posts are getting further apart. I should be more diligent in posting.

I saw Dr. Chaudry last week and I weighed 181, which makes a weight loss of 39# for me! WooHoo! I ordered size 14 slacks from Lands' End, and they FIT! My blood pressure has been fairly low, systolic in the low 100s or 90s. I also was feeling pretty fatigued. My TSH was normal. I feel like I have been retaining a lot of water, as I can gain 3-4 pounds in a day. So I stopped the Cardura, and still my B/P is low to okay. Somedays I am diuresing, not so much other days. Dr. Collins ordered spironolactone for me, so I will start that to see if I can keep some of this fluid off. I would like to be able to eat pretzels and other salty stuff!

I am sooooo missing Steve. I just don't have anyone that I can tell my problems to. Wayne is the major problem. Even if it isn't Wayne, he doesn't seem very interested in anything that I am interested in.

Too Busy!

I have just been too busy to even jot down what is going on! But really, nothing important, just life.

I weighed 186 pounds this morning. I have been consistently here for about a week, so I need to keep working to get some off. I know what will happen is that I will just drop a few pounds in one day. I just need to keep at it. I only get to community fitness once a week, when I go with Wayne. I doubt that I will be able to keep it up once he is done with pulmonary rehab next week. But any little bit helps. The weather is a bit nicer, so I am able to walk around at least once a day.

Speaking of the weather, it is a very strange spring. I turned the heat off, but there have only been one or two days were it was nice enough to open windows. We have had lots of rain, and there have been some pretty violent storms throughout. Our subdivision is living up to the name "Prairie Winds"!

Paducah was GREAT! I would go again, but not for a few more years. Taking care of Wayne was not great. I am planning on going to International Quilt Festival in Chicago next April, and staying either with Laurie or Jo and Nancy. I saw everything I wanted, bought what I wanted. Had to listen to Wayne complain about most everything (which is just like home).

Relay for Life is this weekend. I will be only able to go for the Survivors' lap because I have to work the next morning. I made over 50 water bottle cozies for our team to sell for donations. I hate to ask for pledges.

I am working on an Eleanor Burns' quilt from "Victory Quilts". I got to see Eleanor twice at Paducah. She is a remarkable lady. I know own a nice assortment of Quilt in a Day rulers, as you need them to make her blocks.

Our newest neighbor, Dolores Easter, is a quilter. She set up her quilting room in the front bedroom. She is very nice. I'm going to give her information about the shop hops and see if she would like to go with me.

Getting fit!

Well, I have reached my first weight loss goal! I am under 200 pounds! Depending on the scale, of course! The one at home this morning said 195. The ones at work have still had me over 200. But I have consistently at home been under 200 for a week, so I will proclaim the victory! The next goal is 190 pounds. I know that is not much, but last time I lost weight, I went down a dress size at 190, so that is why I picked that number. The next goal after that will be 175.

I have joined the community fitness program at Provena. This is in the same gym where Wayne takes his pulmonary rehab. I can use the machines while Wayne does his exercises; hopefully Wayne can see that I truly am supporting him in this. Plus, I can get into shape. Yesterday was my first day. I did 20 minutes on the recumbent bike. I got to my target heart rate of 140, didn't get short of breath. I did 8 minutes on the arm crank, Wayne does 10, so next time I will do 10. I tried the treadmill, but it couldn't get coordinated enough, and my left leg was starting to give me problems, so I don't think I will do that. I will probably do a second 20 minutes on the bike after the arm crank. There are 2 recumbent bikes at the big house in their gym that we can use; I may go use them, will be an easy walk.

Spring! please come and rescue us!

We are so tired of winter. Spring has been flirting with us, but hopefully the snow and cold weather are behind us! It has been sunny, in the 50s, and almost all the snow is melted. We have a pair of ducks on the pond. We are so hoping that they nest here again. As Wayne bought a digital video recorder, I am going to try to get some action shots of the ducks/ducklings.

Wayne started pulmonary rehab this week. Today will be his second session. He was pretty angry at me. He groused that I was out of my mind if I thought that this was going to get him in the shape to put on his own socks and wipe his butt. I told him that I knew that wasn't going to happen, and wasn't my goal. My goal is for him to be able to walk around the house without getting short of breath. My schedule is such that I will only to be able to go with him on Fridays. I am going to see if I can join the Community Fitness program that is in the same gym so that I can work out (well, do the recumbent bike, treadmill, and the hand bicycle) while I am waiting for him. I can also do it on Tuesdays and every other Thursday. Deb Woods, who is the coordinator for cardiopulmonary rehab, is an old friend of mine. We got our ADN from Parkland the same year!

I have had my first week of Parish nursing. It is very interesting, and I am praying that Olivia and I will be able to initiate a program at St. Elizabeth. I have a few ideas, and I know that Olivia does also, as she took the program a year ago. One of the nurses in my class, Jan Galaras, was in my trauma nurse specialist class 27 years ago! Wow! I feel old! Faith Roberts is the coordinator for the program through Carle. She had been my boss on maternity at Mercy/Covenant back in 1990! She is a very dynamic speaker, and has spoken at many national conferences. But the two things I remember most about Faith is 1) at my evaluation, she called me an outstanding nurse. WOW! What an encouragement! 2) on the first Mother's Day after Joe was killed, she sent me a card. How kind!

Today is my niece Lindsay's birthday. She would be 28. I miss her smile.

Today also is Steve's birthday. He would be 58. I miss talking with him. Just hearing his voice, and knowing that he cared would help me so much.

Tomorrow is the 5th anniversary of Steve Szafranski's death. Time marches on. I know that men grieve differently than women. Wayne just doesn't seem to have much emotion about this.

I am earnestly trying to lose weight. For Lent, I am trying to follow the fasting guidelines every day, not just on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday. Also, trying to eat more fruits and vegetables. My initial goal was to get under 200#. On my scale at home, I am there. Still have a few pounds to go on the scales at work. But I can certainly tell that I have lost some weight. My pants are no longer tight (I was having to unbutton them at times). And I am feeling better. Except my shoulders are still painful. Especially my left shoulder. I am trying to do ROM exercises with them, part of the reason I want to work out at the rehab gym. I certainly don't want to get a frozen shoulder. Anyway, my next goal is to get to 190#. Last time I lost weight, I could drop a size, down to 16, when I reached 190. Then the next goal is 175. I'll see how things are when I get there. I have been wanting to get a bicycle, maybe this will be the year. Mary has a bike and rides. I'm sure we could ride together.

The girls are coming here for Scrabble this morning. Donita will not be joining us, as her mother fell, broke her hip, then had a stroke. Donita is an only child, so she will have her hands full. Her mom was living in a big old house in Mattoon, and refused to move.

Still looking forward to Paducah! It is going to be such fun! I have been restraining from buying anything quilty, as I want to see the offerings there. When perked up when I told him I was going to bring the laptop and his portable DVD player with some of his DVDs. Hopefully, we can reproduce home in our little suite! I hope that the pulmonary rehab will by that time be showing some improvement in his breathing.

The TQS BOM is going great! We have developed a really nice community on the forum. There is also talk of a road trip to LaVeta for a taping of the show, with a show and tell of our completed quilts! I have been having a nice conversation with one of the members who is also a nurse practitioner working in a Walgreen's based convenient care. She lives near Houston. She was envious of my going to Paducah. I reminded her that she gets to go to Houston. She offered to let me stay with her for that show. I don't know how serious she is about that. Anyway, definitely not this year.

February musings

We are still having crazy weather. Warm one day, then plummeting temperatures. Our old neighborhood flooded. Thankfully, our old house did not. We raised it enough to spare the new owners. Clara had her pipe freeze two weeks after the first. We got water, but not as bad. Everything is back to normal, and no repeat performances.

I am playing Scrabble once a week with the neighborhood ladies. I enjoy getting out and visiting and playing. Reminds me of Sunday afternoons at Grandma and Grandpa Sheffield's house playing with Aunt Zola.

I am doing 3 BOMs this year. I finished a patriotic star wall hanging, and an Illinois wall hanging. Wayne wants me to make a new quilt with fabrics he picked out. Haven't got motivated to get started yet.

Christie clinic has opened a new convenient care at County Market in Champaign. I have been doing some shifts there.

I have an awful cold. Worked 2 shifts with it. Glad I have had a few days rest before going in again. We have had a lot of influenza at work. Thankfully, I took a flu shot.

Obama is leading Clinton in the primaries. But I think there is going to be a fight at the convention to determine who will run against McCain. Either one surely can beat McCain. Last night at his speech, he just looked and sounded so dull. Course, this was after we had just been watching Obama. What a dynamic speaker!

Feb 25 will be the one year anniversary of Steve's death. I try to talk with Carol every few weeks. She is remodeling her kitchen, which she and Steve had talked about. Actually, doing the bathroom and the living room. I am encouraging her, because I believe Steve would be in favor of it. She knows that Steve's sister Dorothy is going to give her grief, and that is so unfortunate.

Wayne is on oxygen all the time now. But his sugars has been improving, so he is getting less insulin. He is eating a little less, as he realizes when he overeats, it is hard to breathe.

Still looking forward to Paducah!

My friend Susie had to have mastectomy for DCIS, elected for a bilateral, which was good, as there was cancer in both breasts. She is going to have lymph node resection as soon as her ITP is stable. Maybe chemo if nodes are positive. Her daughter Maria is getting married this June, so hopefully she will get recovered.

Crazy weather

Last week it was 0 degrees, yesterday it was in the 60s. It is raining, and it was lightning last night.

Except for getting the furniture moved back in, the front bedroom is back to normal. I took the opportunity to clean out that closet, and am putting a lot of the stuff that was in there in the attic. I don't know what's gonna happen with that stuff up there. Can't part with. Probably send a bunch to auction someday.

Hopefully, I can get down to some sewing. Moda U is this evening. The Quilt Show has a block of the month going this year that I think I will joining. I belong to a 6500/6600 challenge group, with the current challenge using the decorative stitches. I am thinking about doing pink ribbons with the different stitches.

Happy New Year!

Weird weather! New Years Day was snowy, cold wind. We only went out to go to mass. Next two days the temps hovered around 2degrees. Bright sunny days. Now it is in the 50s with rain.

Illini lost in the Rose Bowl against So. Cal. We were definitely the underdogs, and it showed. Looked more like a brawl rather than a football game. We also lost our Big Ten season opener with Ohio State (the media can't let up on Thad Matta being a former Cornjerker. For what ever reason, that night they said Thad played for East Lynn high school. East Lynn high school closed in 1973. Thad was born in 1967. Doh!). The guys have spurts of genius, but not enough to look great.

Thursday night we were watching Fox News coverage of the Iowa caucuses (after watching the basketball game). Clara from next door called and said she had a flood at her front door. I went over, and indeed, she had a flood! I could hear water running as I walked over. Paul Tatman's son and dil (she cleans for Clara) arrived shortly after me and they turned the water off and helped Clara mop up and move furniture out of the front bedroom. I went back to our house, and our front bedroom carpet was also wet. I stayed with Clara for about a half hour to help settle her down, then went home and picked up stuff off my floor that wouldn't tolerate the moisture. Paul Tatman came the next morning, and found that the pipe to Clara's front outside faucet had a huge leak. It wasn't caulked around the faucet, and allowed the cold air to leak in. Poor Clara, she had seen my faucet "cozy" and thought she should have one also, but her sil David nixed it, saying that she didn't need it. David is on Clara's fecal roster! LOL! Paul had the plumbers out and they fixed it. He had his guys move furniture for Clara and us. The carpet guys got the excess water out of the pad and removed that. Fans are running now. By early next week, we should be back to normal. Gives me the opportunity to go through some of that stuff. Have stuff that probably could go up in the attic.

While the plumbers were here, I asked if they could look at our toilet in the front bathroom, as it has always had a wobble. Well, they did, and it had a broken flange. They had to take up the toilet to fix it. Because it wasn't done right in the first place. Paul saw it, and I think he is gonna pay the plumbers. It took them over 2 hours to get the job done. I am thankful that Paul has been a great contractor with a heart.

I saw Dr. Thatcher on Thursday and I now have a name for my intermittent thigh numbness. Meralgia Paresthetica. Never heard of it. Has nothing to do with my scoliosis or bulging discs. No cure. But it is not going to cause any problems. The lateral femoral cutaneous nerve gets compressed, causing the numbness. Sometimes pain (thankfully I have a high threshold for pain). But it is purely a sensory nerve, so it cannot cause muscle atrophy. I do have a diminished left ankle jerk. But that is not from the MP. That is probably what causes me to have a left foot flop when I am tired.

Wayne was put on BiPap, but he could not tolerate the changing pressures. He was set up at 25/18. His CPAP was on 18, so wouldn't think it would be a problem but it was. They finally set his new machine at 25/25, and he is doing much better. He didn't get very short of breath when we went out last night with the Cunningham's. Speaking of them, Benny has been helping Wayne get from our car to their door. How cute! He has more personality than any 4 year old needs!

Another day

Another day. They all seem to be the same. I got through Christmas. Well, basically ignored it, as I have for several years. Didn't have the angst of Parents After Loss support group hanging over me. I'm not going to go to their holiday memorial service this Sunday. I'm just too tired.

Wayne had his repeat sleep study, and the tech was not very happy. She couldn't get him adjusted to maintain a good oxygen saturation. I am so scared that Wayne is just going to have a massive heart attack and die. Dr. Top wants him to use oxygen with exertion, but Wayne refuses to use oxygen when we go out. He will sit at home with it running. Now he feels that his body has gotten used to the extra oxygen, and that he is feeling more short of breath with exertion than he did before. I say it is because he knows what good feels like, and when he drops, it is a bigger drop than before. But, what do I know? I am only a very experienced nurse practitioner.

I haven't been doing too much in my sewing room. I made a bunch of chenille potholders to give for Christmas gifts to the neighbors. One day I made 18 dozen cookies. My legs were numb and sore after that one. Made a second batch of oatmeal raisin cookies for Wayne because he said he liked them. He wanted me to make a double batch, as he wanted to give some to his buddy Donnie. I say, let him make his own. For goodness sake.

I now have a pain in my left wrist, ulnar aspect. It is getting better. I am supposing it is from the Femara. I have decided to continue with it. I will see Dr. Thatcher next week to see what options I have in regards to my back. I am hoping some physical therapy will be helpful. Some days my legs feel like they are getting weak, but it may be just psychological. I feel better when I am active, moving. Just standing or sitting are not good.

Wayne got me a beautiful diamond cross necklace for Christmas. I was very surprised. I knew I was getting jewelry, but I figured it might be something too ostentatious for me to wear often. But this piece is beautiful! He also got me a Catholic Bible (I had asked for this). My name is printed on the front leather in gold. It is bigger than I would have liked, but I am sure I will get used to it.

Erin asked if I would make a lap quilt for her. She liked the colors and blocks from this year's block of the month, so I will get it made up for her. Wayne thought she had a lot of nerve asking me to make her a quilt. Who cares. I like making quilts, and always need a new reason to make one.

Merry Christmas

The following was posted on my breast cancer support group.
Symptoms Of Inner Peace
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many people have already been exposed to inner peace, and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it. Under the right circumstances, inner peace could reach epidemic proportions. This situation could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.

Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:
- A tendency to think and act spontaneously with love, rather than on fears which are based upon past experience.
- An unmistakable ability to enjoy each and every moment.
- A loss of interest in judging other people.
- A loss of interest in judging yourself.
- A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
- A loss of interest in conflict.
- A loss of the need and even the ability to worry. (Please Note: This is a very serious symptom.)
- Frequent, almost overwhelming episodes of appreciation andgratitude.
- Frequent attacks of smiling.
- An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
- An increased susceptibility to feeling the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it back.
- An unmistakable feeling that everything is okay.

Warning: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed to that individual only at your own risk. Inner peace is contagious.

Life goes on

After dealing with it for nearly 4 years, I finally decided to see the doctor about this intermittent numbness that I have been having in my left anterior thigh. It is precipitated by standing at least 10-15 minutes. Gets better with rest. It got bad over Thanksgiving when I stood for hours on Wednesday and Thursday making the feast. I think it may be from my hip, but I don't know. Dr. Collins had me take a hip and lumbar spine x-ray, and I am scheduled for an open MRI this Friday.

My hands are especially stiff and sore this morning, and they definitely are swollen. I think that I am retaining a lot of fluid. I drank a huge glass of water of last night, and don't feel like I had the urine that I should have had. I will be monitoring this. I may be asking to come off the Femara and go to the tamoxifen if these side effects continue. I feel like an old lady.

Wayne is sick this week. I came home Monday from a 12 hour shift and he was running a fever. Had a sore throat, but that is better. His lungs sounded clear. Maybe just a virus. But if this continues I am gonna take him in to convenient care and get a chest x-ray. Saturday we had very icy streets. Wayne insisted that he eat lunch at the big house. I didn't want to, so I stayed at home. Wayne should have also. He fell in front of the big house, and as no body saw him, he had to crawl to a curb under the canopy where he could finally hoist himself up. His knees have been bothering him, as well as his back. I asked if he wanted me to make an appointment to have someone check them, but he declined.

I am feeling like such a slug. I am simply not motivated to get anything done. On my days off, I am taking a 2-3 hour nap. I need to get the binding on a quilt for Laurie. I am making potholders and could be working on them. I am reading a book, but can't get motivated to read. Hopefully, this is just the Christmas blues, and will get better. I think Laurie and her family are coming down for Christmas. I have to work the Sunday before Christmas, off Christmas Eve, and work 9-2 on Christmas Day.

I did get registered for Paducah. Signed up for 5 classes, 3 of them my cyberfriend Sarah is teaching. I am so looking forward to going!

I visited the other day with neighbor Albert. He had told us he needed pipe filters, but as they are new to town, his wife didn't know where to buy them. I went to a tobacco shop and bought him two packages, as well as a big tin of Prince Albert. When I took them over there, Clara was out. Albert was so pleased with his little gift. He told me how much it meant to him when I held his hand when he was feeling bad several months ago. You never know how much the little things can brighten someone's day. We often think that because we don't do grand things that get everyone's attention that we are not doing all that we can. But it is the little small things that people truly appreciate.

Magnolias

This was on my Yahoo breast cancer group. I really like the saying at the end.

MAGNOLIAS

By Edna Ellison
I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away. As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . . . so many details, so many bills, and so little time. My son Jack was away at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three years old!

To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church. After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the podium area and choir loft with magnolias. As we left just before midnight, I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever had! The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers - would be remembered for years.

The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiance Tim, walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check. When we opened the door and felt arush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black. An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system,and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died. I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding.Tim turned to me. "Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements."I mumbled, "Sure," as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cufflinks.

Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. "Lord," I prayed, "please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers -in a hurry!" I scurried out praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to shreds.

As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. Iapproached a house . . . no dog in sight. I knocked on the door and an older man answered. So far so good . . . no shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed, "I'd be happy to!" He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down tome. Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, "Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today.""No, Ma'am," he said. "You don't understand what's happening here.""What?" I asked."You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday . . He paused. I saw tears welling up in his eyes. "On Wednesday I buried her." He looked away. "On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went backhome, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left. I nodded."This morning," he continued, "I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-out man? Nobody! 'I began to cry louder. 'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said, "Sir, I need you." I stood with my mouth open.

He asked, "Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room . ." I assured him I was no angel. He smiled. "Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?""No.""I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flowerministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeralhome have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!"I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's weddingday, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, Iwould have said, "Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today."But God found a way. Through dead flowers.

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."

Another year older

Having a birthday is rather anticlimatic, as I have been thinking myself as being 53 all year. Still do. Being 52 was just too hard. Diagnosed with breast cancer and losing my best friend.

I am still stiff in the morning, but overall feeling better. I get stiff when I sit too long, so try not to. I scrubbed the tile in our bathroom this past week, as the grout was looking bad. I should have sealed it when we moved in. It is now, and here's hoping it keeps it looking well. The next project will be the front entry and guest bath. Then the kitchen, which is the worst.

I need to get up into the attic this week to get it rearranged after we had the insulation people up there. They moved stuff out of their way, now I have to put it back. I need to get a cooler down for Thanksgiving. Also gonna have Logan and John help me put a few things up there.

Wayne has had 2 overnite pulse oximetry testing. He failed the first one miserably. He spent the majority of the night below 90%. The second one was done for Medicare. I am sure by week's end he will be set up with a concentrator and using oxygen with his CPAP. Wayne doesn't see that having low sats is a problem. But he spends most of the day sleeping in his chair. He desats when he moves, so he tries not to move. He doesn't realize how hard this is on his heart and the rest of his body. When he told his daughter Laurie that he might be going on oxygen, she started crying and couldn't talk to him any more.

I've got a good start on quilting the quilt for Laurie for her office assistant. I hope to have it completely done by next week so that we can take it up to her. Don't want to ship it.

Again, just not in the old Christmas spirit. Thank goodness, really don't have to buy anybody anything. We did buy a larger tree to put in the sunroom. I have found some brick clips so I am gonna put a wreath over the garage, and offer to do the same for Clara.

It's finally Autumn

The trees are turning colors, the air is cool, the crops are mostly out of the fields. Yep, it's fall! Now if we could just get the government to repeal this daylight savings business. I see no useful purpose for it, except to mess with everybody's head. In today's 24/7 society, we are not saving any energy.

I had a post-op visit with Dr. Sommer. She is happy with the way things are looking, but still wants to see me again in 6 months. Pretty typical to be seen 1 year post-op, and my year won't be up until January. I think I will have my 6 month repeat mammo on the right before I see her. I asked the photographer for a CD of all my pictures, and she is going to send it to me, no charge. How nice.

Today I will take my last Levaquin. I hope the body aches will start to subside. Other than that side effect, I am feeling great.

I got my new carriage for my Grace quilting frame this week and have it all set up. This carriage works so much better than the original. I have the speed control on, and it is so far working great. I have a practice piece loaded and it is going great.

I am working on a baby quilt for one of our PA's Gina Bird. It is a raggy quilt, so no quilting required. But I am gonna have to get some more fabric today. Maybe a road trip to Danville or Mahomet, or Rantoul.

The local quilt guild's quilt show was this past weekend. I went with my neighbor Mary. Saw lots of great quilts, and saw lots of folks I know. I am going to rejoin the guild. Should have went last night to a meeting, but I am just feeling too tired after the trip to Springfield. Why does riding in a car wear me out? Got my new military ID while in Springfield at Camp Lincoln.

Pyelonephritis

I don't believe that I have ever felt as sick as I did on the 16th. I woke up at 4am with the chills, body aches, the ague, and just generally feeling awful. I felt so bad I considered going to the ED, but thought better of that and waited to see the doctor on call at 9:15. I got even worse there, vomited while Dr. Anu was examining me. She was so sweet, she held my head while I was throwing up in her exam room sink. She admitted me to the hospital from the clinic. She thought maybe I was having an acute GB attack, as I was painful in the RUQ. I had a little right flank pain, but no CVA tenderness on percussion. I vomited again on the way to the hospital. At the hospital I got an IV and was given Levaquin and Flagyl. Blood work and urinalysis was done. My white count was 8, which is usually normal, but the week before I had been 4, so that was a significant rise for me. I had nitrites and some leukocytes in my urine. My GB sono was normal, as was my chest x-ray, so the diagnosis was pyelonephritis. I felt better the next morning by 7:00am. I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. Wayne and Scooter missed me. Scooter wouldn't sleep in his kennel, but slept in the living room waiting for me. Thank goodness I have the next three days off. I hope I never get that again!

Good news!

I got the results of the MRI yesterday from Dr. Collins. No evidence of disease in the left breast! Wahoo!! Because of the surgery, there are a couple funky areas in the right breast, but Dr. Fernandez doesn't call them suspicious, just wants to keep an eye on them. We don't have the mammogram result yet, but that should also be good news!

On a sad note, my friend Cindy Cunningham's father passed away earlier this week. He had just moved back here from Arizona. Had only been here a week. Cindy is on the volunteer fire department in Royal, and she got "toned out" to her mom's address. Of course she responded. She thought he had a faint pulse when she got there, so she turned up his oxygen. By the time the rest of the guys got there, he was in full arrest. It is a little crazy, as he was still married to his wife in Arizona, but they were going to get a divorce.

I am doing another block of the month at the Needle 'n I in Rantoul. This one is a Moda University mystery quilt. Did the first one last night. It is an applique basket. Pattern is cute, not too sure I like the fabrics. But it will help me stretch out of my comfort zone. I just have the outside border to quilt on the Illiana shop hop quilt, then put on the binding. I think that I will do a piped binding ala Ricky Timms.

The waiting game

I had the mammo and MRI on Friday. The mammo wasn't any worse than before surgery. We now have digital at Christie, so I was able to look at the images. Nothing popped up as suspicious, and the tech didn't seem worried about anything.

Because we were going out to supper, I only took half of my prescribed Xanax, and then only 15 minutes before the MRI. Should have taken the whole pill. I was awake for the entire time. Didn't get claustrophobic too bad. The laying still was hard. My forehead was hurting from the pressure, and my left shoulder was really aching. My upper arm was numb the rest of the day. I made a game of how much longer by counting songs. Carla said it would take 40 minutes. I figured 12 songs should do it. It was over after 8. One of the songs was Rod Stewart's Maggie May, my theme song. I had my ring rosary in my pocket, and it would vibrate every time the magnet would engage. It reminded me that Steve was looking over me.

Now I just have to wait for Dr. Fernandez to read the films. She was in Las Vegas last week. One person said she would be back today, another thought it would be Wednesday. I won't get antsy until later this week. I see Dr. Chaudry on Friday anyway, so he should have the results. Gotta remember to get my blood drawn Wednesday or Thursday. I am going to have my cholesterol checked, as well as a thyroid panel. I figure, if the radiation got my esophagus and trachea, it may have gotten my thyroid also.

Laurie was able to get down for Wayne's birthday. We had a nice visit. Wayne was surprised and happy.

It's not fall yet!

Those folks who are poo pooing global warming as rubbish should check out the weather. It's supposed to be 90 degrees the next few days. The nights are cooler, but that is still a little warm. I decided a few weeks ago to make chicken matzo ball soup today and invite some of the neighbors. I figured it would be getting soup weather. WRONG! Still gonna make it. Maybe it will start to get cool next month.

Wayne's birthday is tomorrow. His daughter Laurie is gonna try to come down and surprise him. That will be great.

I have my mammo and breast MRI tomorrow afternoon. My left breast is sore from regeneration of nerves after the radiation. I hope it doesn't hurt too much. I don't know if I will be needing the Xanax for the MRI, but I'll take half a pill just in case. I see Dr. Chaudry next Friday. He didn't want me to have an MRI, but Dr. Collins and Dr. Fernandez and I want it, so we overrule him. I would rather have a benign biopsy after a false positive, then let a cancer grow. As my breasts are "new", Dr. Fernandez will not have anything to refer to compare.

I am having a few more aches and pain. Probably from the Femara. I had a 4 day weekend last week, and probably overdid it. Planted some daffodil bulbs, got wore out before I quit, but pushed myself to finish an area. That was on Saturday. Then Sunday midafternoon, I just got really fatigued, and that didn't go away until Tuesday morning. Right now both of my shoulders are aching. Yesterday my right thumb had a deep, annoying ache.

Got my Grace frame set up on the patio. Got a speed control for the Janome 1600. Waiting for the new no-flex carriage. Made zippered leaders, I'm ready to quilt.

Speaking of quilting, I'm going to Paducah! My internet friend Sarah Ann Smith is going to be teaching. I was very lucky and got a handicapped room in a Hampton Inn not too far from the expo center. Ideal would have a room at the center, but those are available by lottery. I offered Sarah my help, and she accepted. It is gonna be a great time. I am really psyched up.

Love the fall weather

It is starting to be fall. The nights are cool, the days are sunny and just right warm. We turned the air conditioner off, and sleep with the patio door in the bedroom open. If it weren't for the hot flashes, it would be great sleeping. I think I was awake every hour last night. Now I think I have conjunctivitis. I don't want to call in sick, but I shouldn't work if I do.

I have been busy in the sewing room. I have the Illiana quilt top done and ready to be quilted. I finished the Frank Lloyd Wright wall hanging. Also a baby quilt for Jaime Coykendall Thomas. I am working on "Opulence" which is very pretty. Giving me fits as I need to "black" out some stray elements and haven't found a successful way of doing this. I want to do some bobbin embroidery using Ricky Tims' Razzle Dazzle thread. I will be getting my Grace Frame set up on the back patio soon. I have at least 5 tops that need to be done. I am going to make zippered leaders, so that it will be easier for me to get the tops on and off.

I have my first mammogram and breast MRI scheduled for October 5. I am surely hoping that it looks good.

Wayne is getting worse, as far as his mood. He cussed me out on the street the other day for really nothing. He thought I should call Nextel information to see why my phone wasn't working. We were going to the Nextel service center right after we ate lunch at the big house, so I thought we should wait until then. This was not acceptable. Phone wasn't working because services had been transferred to the new phone that he had bought me. Certainly nothing to be cussed at for.

Getting past the August blues

Well, I think the August blues are behind me. But you never can tell when they will sneak back up.

August 23 was 8 years since Joey was killed. We started the day going to church for communion service. Fr. Mal was on vacation, so Deacon Andy Heckman had the service. I lit a candle for Joey. We then started on my second quilt shop hop. This one was the Illiana Quilters' Shop Hop. This was their second one, but my first time going. We went in the Thunderbird, because I wanted to get some more miles on it. It was gonna be a hot day, so I planned that I would have to put the top up. Wayne was crowded, hot, and uncomfortable, and let me know it. We started the hop in Rantoul. From there we went to Rankin to the cemetery. Wayne stayed in the car, which I assumed he would do. I don't think Rick goes to the cemetery. I never see any flowers there except the ones that I take. Isn't that sad. Then we went to Cissna Park. It was starting to get hot, but Wayne didn't want to put the top up until after we ate, because it is easier for him to get in and out with the top down. Although I did offer to put the top down to facilitate his getting in and out. Next stop was Henning's in Hoopeston for lunch. Food was not as good as it has been in the past. But did have lemon meringue pie. Then to the shop in Hoopeston, which is very nice. They have nice chatty newsletters. Too bad it is too far away to make regular visits. I put the Magellan GPS to use after this, as the next two shops were new to me. The Magellan got me to the shop in W. Lafayette, IN no problem. The shop in Lafayette was more of a problem, as the GPS didn't recognize the address. I felt fairly vulnerable because I didn't have a paper map. I did have a Google map print out of directions. Between the two, we got there. Of course, I was stressed because I am driving in unfamiliar territory, and Wayne is doing his customary back seat driving (sniping). I hit a curb by cutting a corner too short, but I was watching for traffic on the left while trying to make a right hand turn onto a busy street. Wayne yelled, cussed at me. I pulled off and started crying. He asked, demanded what was wrong with me. I can't change Wayne, I can only change myself. The shop in Lafayette is small, and is in a very old church. Very cute! From there we went to the shop in Danville. Now I have been there, but I thought I would just let the GPS direct me. It took a back way. Not really the best way. Wayne got out of the car there, because he was thirsty and had to go the bathroom. They had bottled water and cookies there, and he sat and talked with one of the ladies while I shopped. I like the Danville shop. I picked up one of their newsletters, and I think I am going to take a class this fall. Can't decide between crazy quilting or a class to make up the Illini quilt kit that I bought. I'm leaning towards the crazy quilting. They also have a monthly Linus Project club, which I think I am going to join. I like making quilts for kids, and these go to good causes. Last stop of the day was Urbana. Signed up for the Quilt Pink. They are making a quilt to raffle and proceeds will go to the Mills Breast Cancer Center. Then home. I was in a bad mood the rest of the day. Fell asleep crying.

Friday started out better. Because it was gonna rain, we took the Escape, so Wayne was more comfortable. We had a periodontal cleaning to start the day. Then off to Bourbonnais. The Magellan was fantastic, took us right to the shop. I liked that shop. Then to Manteno. We ate at a Huddle House, which is like a Waffle House. The Magellan again took us right to the shop. The last stop was Crown Point, IN. The Magellan took us to US30. Google maps took us a different way. I would have thought US30 would be faster. Probably would have been, had the traffic been moving faster than 5mph. It had been a good day until then. We spent 3 hours stuck in traffic, until we got to US41, which I turned down. The Magellan reconfigured, and got us to the shop. Wayne got in a pretty foul mood while we were sitting in traffic. I finally told him to pray the rosary, and he sarcastically laughed. I got my rosary out, and I did pray the rosary. The traffic started moving when I got near the last bead. I held the rosary through the rest of US30. Coming home we had to outsmart the Magellan. It wanted to take us back to US30 for shortest time, so I asked for shortest distance, which took us on a lot of back roads. When we got to US 41, I took it to IN63, and got home. We were home too late to go out with the Cunningham's, but went later to play cards.

I am trying to improve my internal thoughts about Wayne. I am afraid he is going to die too soon, and that being alone will be much worse than caring for him. I do love him. I do miss the Wayne that I fell in love with.

Meltdown

I had a meltdown on Sunday the 5th. 27 years ago that day was BJ's last full day of life. I worked 8-2 as usual. Busy, but not hectic, but got behind on my dictation, so didn't leave work until almost 3pm. Went to County Market and bought groceries. Came home and unloaded the groceries. Finished the laundry, read the newspaper. I had a roast in the CrockPot, so only had to make mashed potatoes and a vegatable. When supper was ready, Wayne was still watching a movie, which he couldn't put on hold, so he ate in the living room in front of the TV. I ate by myself at the dining room table. I was cleaning up the supper dishes, when Wayne hollered for me to clean him. It struck me wrong. I felt like smashing the measuring cup that was in my hand. I went in and did the task. Wayne could tell I was mad. I was mad. Not at him. I don't know what I was mad at. Mad that I had lost BJ. Mad that I had lost Joe. Mad that it was August again, that hateful month when so many that I loved had died. Mad that nobody ever calls me up to see how I am doing. Oh, I get phone calls. People wanting my help. Mad that my best friend Steve has died. Mad that I have breast cancer, and not knowing what will happen to me. Wayne thought I was just mad at him, starting getting upset that I was upset, because he can't do anything. But it wasn't about Wayne. He started crying. What about ME?