Sadness

We are very sad now. My best friend Steve Zook passed away last night. He has been a walking miracle. He survived over 11 years after being diagnosed with not one, but two different lung cancers. He had been failing for the past year, and his body finally wore out. His spirit was still strong, and he was hoping for one more miracle, even in his last hours. I was blessed to be at his bedside when he passed from this world to the next. I felt him give me a hug before his spirit went to be with Jesus. I stayed with his body until the funeral director took him away. I took off his leads, and removed his lines. We are very fortunate in this life to have one or two good friends. Steve was one of mine.

I start my radiation in earnest today. Last week was just the set up. I have gone two weeks using the natural deodorant, which is just now really working well. I still feel very damp, but not quite as smelly.

Blizzard 2007

Wow! It's been a long time since we have had bad weather like this! We have a 2 1/2 foot drift on our patio. Our neighbor Dee has a drift behind her house that is at least 3 foot. The UofI cancelled classes yesterday and today. That hasn't happened since 1979. Champaign was on Fox News and the ABC evening news because of the weather.

Another weather related bit of news, UofI basketball players Jamar Smith and Brian Carlwell were involved in a bad accident Monday night. Smith was driving, apparently lost control and hit a tree. Saw the car on the news, looked like the passenger side took the brunt of the damage. Smith was treated and released from Carle with a concussion. Carlwell was at first listed in critial condition, was upgraded to serious. Smith was ticketed for improper lane usage. No other comments from the Athletic Association or Coach Weber. But my gut says that Smith will be suspended for the rest of the season. I feel bad for Brian and his family. Brian had his best game this year at Indiana. My prayers are with him.

Well, back to me. I was supposed to have my first session with radiation, starting with my CT staging, yesterday. Unfortunately, the radiation therapist all live out of town, so that was cancelled. I will call later today, if the clinic is open, to get it rescheduled. I hope it won't take long. I would like to get a good number of treatments under my belt before I go back to work.

I also had a bone density yesterday. When my CT was cancelled, I called to see if I was still on for the bone density. Collette answered the phone; she is the person who does that exam. She said I could come on over and have it done in the morning instead of waiting until the afternoon. So we got bundled up and went on over. Thank goodness I have the all wheel drive Escape. The hardest part was getting out of the driveway and subdivision, as they hadn't been plowed. The rest was a breeze. Stopped into convenient care and talked with them for a few minutes.

I talked with Jean Smith last week about possibly going part-time, either 3/5 or 4/5. I will talk with Melody McCammack next week when she gets back from vacation. I don't think that I want to do 12 hour days. My tentative March schedule in convenient care looks doable to me. If I do 2 7hour days in Internal Medicine (can't do 8 hours because of radition treatments) that will give me around 32-36 hours.

My head and energy levels are clearing up and I can do more in my quilting room. I finished the baby quilt for Dr. Ho's new grandson Gabriel. I finished the quilt top for Donna, Wayne's daughter. I am waiting on the backing material from equilter.com to be able to finish it. I am going to quilt it off the frame. Going to see if I can go to the Cunningham's and lay it out on their basement floor to put the sandwich together. Will have to dodge Ben and Andrea, but it will be fun to have the company. I am now working on finishing 2005 Quilt Shop Hop quilt. I have 7 blocks done, and hope to have the rest done before I get the backing material for Donna's quilt.

Wayne must be getting cabin fever. He flies off the handle at the least little thing. I am trying to be as patient as I can. I try to point out in a nice way that he is coming across very nasty and accusatory. I don't think he is going to change. I just wish he wouldn't get worse.

My best friend Steve is just not doing any better. He had a feeding tube inserted last week. That has given him one more thing to worry about, which he doesn't need. Carol is a saint. When I think I have it bad here, I know she is having it 7 times worse.

Settling into a routine

I'm totally narcotic free. Not like I was a junkie, but I am not needing it for pain control. In fact, I have had some time where there was absolutely no pain at all. Most is a 1 or a 2, but some Tylenol takes care of that.

I told Wayne that I didn't want to leave the house today. I'm tired of running around, and it is tiring me out. I would like to have a good day of sitting in the house quilting.

I went to the open house at the Greek Orthodox church with Cindy and the kids. It was very interesting to see the church and hear about the church. They gave us some information to take home, which I will read. We had a nice lunch, learned how to make tyropitas (phyllo sheets with a filling of feta and ricotta, kind of like crab ragoon). Andrea and Benny got their faces painted. Wayne told me I couldn't go, that Catholics are forbidden from going to other churches. I told him I wasn't going to the services, just an open house. I asked Father Mal, and he agreed with me. Actually told me that I could go the services, I just couldn't partake in the Communion portion.

I woke up this morning missing my dad. He would be getting up early, even if he didn't have to. I sure miss Joe. I know he is always with me. He's my guardian angel. Just gonna have to settle for what I have.

I will be seeing Dr. Chaudry, a medical oncologist, tomorrow. Just to make sure that we are on the right track, and to see what long term medication would be the best. Tamoxifen is what Dr. Feinberg and Dr. Collins have talked about, and I am fine with that. There are other drugs out there, and just want to make sure that I am getting the absolutely appropriate treatment.

Life in the slow lane

I have started to take the family calendar with me to appointments, so that I can keep track of all the activities. Between my doctor appointments, Wayne's doctor appointments, and the Chrysler's appointments, we are finding ourselves coming and going.

Had my second post-op appt with Dr. Sommers. She thought things were looking very good. She cut out the stitch that had popped out below my right breast, at the intersection incision. She will see me again in 4 weeks. I asked her about mammograms vs. MRI for cancer surveillance, and she felt that mammograms should be okay. I'm thinking at first, maybe both would be a good idea.

I now own more bras that I can actually wear than I ever have. With changing them everyday due to the antibiotic ointment, I need to have a small wardrobe. And it still feels great to be able to walk into WalMart and pick one off the rack. With a choice.

Wayne will have his Cardiolite Persantine Stress Test tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be just fine.

The Bears are in the Super Bowl! Best game this year against the Saints. Lets hope they can play that good against the Colts. The Colts looked pretty good against the Patriots.

Illinois beat Indiana last night. The guys looked good, not great. But they were definitely hustling. I thought Coach Weber was gonna blow a gasket.

Free at last!

Pardons to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I know that decreasing my breast size is not to be compared with the centuries of servitude and prejudice that people of color have experienced. I just couldn't resist.

I saw Dr. Sommers Tuesday for my first post-op check. She seemed very pleased with the results. She left the steri-strips on, but said that I could work on them in the shower with soap and water. She put my new sports bra on me, and I can't tell you how good it felt. Well, I told Wayne at least ten times how good it felt! The bandages were such a pain. They kept slipping.

Went home and took a shower. THAT felt good, as I hadn't had one in 5 days. Got most of the steri-strips off, thought my left nipple was going to come off with the strips, but left those on for a while, eventually got them all off. I have some red blisters where I reacted to some tape. She told me to use triple antibiotic cream on this incisions, which I am. Also using hydrocortisone cream to the reactive areas.

Back to that bra. Paid over 60 bucks for the thing, felt good at first, but then it started rubbing on my incisions. Took it off, and found it had a very rough seam at the top of the band, bottom of the cups, and that was rubbing against my incisions. And unfortunately, I still had some Betadine on my breasts, and that got on the white fabric. Made it look terrible. It felt better to wear it with the lower 3 or 4 hooks undone. I am sure it will be great when I get healed up. It is soaking now. Went to Walmart and found 2 that I think will work. I'm wearing one now. It is made of soft knit, hooks in the front. Doesn't rub anywhere. Wearing it to bed, because the compression still feels better than just hanging free. Well, they aren't hanging. They are perky. Haven't had perky breasts in 40 years.

So, I know the question is bound to come up, do I miss them? To be gross, like a boil on a butt. The only thing that those large boobs did was camoflage my belly. Which as soon as I get healed up, I am going to work on. Mostly, that is going to take loosing 30 or so pounds. That I can do

Getting back to normal

I overdid it yesterday. I didn't mean to, it just snuck up on me. I got up as normal. Had my coffee and checked my email. Shampooed my hair and got cleaned up. Got Wayne ready after his shower. The pup and I went for our daily walk, which we hadn't done since day of surgery. Fixed bacon, eggs, and toast, and cleaned up the kitchen. Then sewed two quilt blocks for the quilt I am making for Dr. Ho's new grandson. Felt a little blah, so that's why I stopped at 2. Ordered flowers for Nancy to thank her for coming down and helping me. Played Tetris. Then we started running errands. Here's what got me.

First, we went to Confidentially Yours, and got measured and bought a sports bra. Then went down to Christie on Windsor to drop off another Vicodin prescription, and to pick up prescriptions that were already called in and ready. While there, I went upstairs to IM and saw Dr. Sundaram, Jan, and Jen. Then stopped by and talked with Dr. Collins (did I mention she called me Sunday night to see how I was doing). Went down to the break room and talked with Jeannette, then went over to Convenient Care and talked with those folks. Then went to pharmacy and picked up all my prescriptions.

After this, we went to the CPAP Store. Wayne's newest CPAP was fine, but it was only set at 16, and his old one was set at 18, and that was why he felt like he was getting more air with the old one. Huey set us up with a new machine, set at 18, and is going to start billing Medicare. Huey is really going out of his way to take care of us. It is so great to have friends.

Then we went to Christie downtown for Wayne's appointment with Dr. Sehy. Dr. Sehy said it was either his heart or his lungs giving him the problem, as his kidney function tests were normal, actually looked slightly improved. His A1c was 8, not good, but we have other things to worry about. He went down for a chest x-ray. While he was getting his x-ray, I went and talked with Dr. Fernandez, the radiologist, to let her know what had happened since the breast MRI and that she was spot on correct on her suspicions. She said that since I have had the surgery, and the history of the cancer, that we should probably get yearly MRIs of the breast for screening, rather than relying on the mammograms. She even indicated that if insurance would balk, that we could get it done anyway. Thank you, God, for all my friends.

Well, the CXR was normal, but the EKG showed a right bundle branch block, which was a change from 2003. Dr. Sehy refered him to cardiology, and we could have had an appointment the next day, but I have my post-op appt in Springfield with Dr. Sommers. Wayne does have an appointment next Monday with Dr. Wingo. Probably not my first choice, but Cheryl Mangers felt that he would be a good choice for Wayne. And once he is an established cardiology patient, he could see Cheryl. Dr. Sehy also ordered PFTs, which will be done 2/2/2007. By this time, my ass is dragging. I think I got a little dehydrated, because I felt a little better after I got a drink from the water fountain. But it had been most of the day since I had had anything for pain, and then that was just two plain Tylenols.

Got home, and then I got cranky. Unloaded the car, and had to put away all the CPAP machines. I had decided while we were still at Christie downtown that we should order pizza to be delivered. Now, for anybody else, this should be a slamdunk. Nothing is a slamdunk with Wayne, because you have to make all these choices and decisions, and he doesn't want to make a decision. Even after I told him that I didn't care, just make a decision and stop asking me, he was still asking. After all the ado, we ended up getting the pizza from Papa John's, which is where I told him to get it from in the first place. And of course, Wayne has to pay a little bit extra to get more pizza than we need. I was still a little bit cranky. Funny thing with that is that Wayne's buddy Donny had surgery end of December, and Wayne was commenting to his wife on the phone that Donny was cranky with him and so Wayne knew he wasn't feeling well. I get cranky, and all I get is the oh so insightful "you're certainly cranky". I think the problem is that Wayne feels that I didn't need to have the surgery, so I just did this to myself. Get over it. Because you don't have cancer, they cut it out. You have to be healthy, because you have to take care of me. Yadda, yadda, yadda..............Wayne is Wayne. He has been totally self-centered since the day I met him. He isn't going to change.

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I took a Tylenol PM, but it didn't do its usually magic, but I had heartburn and gastitis, from the pizza, I guess. Woke up around 3, drenched in sweat. Worst hot flash I had ever had. But it may have been my fever breaking. Forgot to mention that I was feeling a little feverish when we got home, and my temperature was 99.8. This is Wayne, I was walking around with a thermometer in my mouth, and he never even noticed. I know, I shouldn't have been walking around with it in my mouth, but Wayne had needs to be taken care of (I really have a hard time understanding why he curses when he has a crap, as I am the one who has to wipe his ass. But if I were to curse, 1) it would be out of character for me, 2) I'm a nurse, isn't this what nurses do? 3) Wayne would say, if I could do it, don't you think I would? and make me feel bad (I know, Eleanor Roosevelt said no one can make you feel bad without your permission, can I undo all these many years of self-imposed guilt?)). Okay, that was a major digression. Got up, took another Vicodin, got back to sleep. Wayne woke me up about an hour later, and he was feeling bad. Checked his sugar, and it was 44. Can't believe it, as he ate 6 slices of pizza, and had some frozen fruit bars. But gave him 2 glasses of OJ, and 2 PopTarts, and some Mint Meltaways. By 5:30, he was in the 130s and sleeping. I am up writing in my journal.

A new me!

Life didn't slow down. Until Thursday, January 11. That's when the new me came into being.

Just to recap what happened this week. I worked 8-2 Sunday in Convenient Care. Worked 8-5 in Internal Medicine on Monday. We had a dept meeting that evening. Tuesday I worked the first hour in Convenient Care for Dr. Browder, then I had my pre-op physical with Dr. Collins. Worked the rest of Tuesday in Internal Medicine. Wednesday, I had my consultation with Dr. Shultz and the team at the Christie Cancer Center. What I thought was going to be a 30 minute appt turned out to be almost 2 hours. But got lots of good information. Worked a few hours in Internal Medicine. Showed Dr. Ho how to do his worklist....I don't think he got it. Probably gonna get some phone calls before I come back to work. Got home about 3, after stopping at SunSinger for some wine. At home, set up my Memorial Stadium bench, and hung my newest wallhanging up, Hang in There, Chief! Then cousin Nancy came. We visited, then I went and got my hair done, then we went out to eat at El Toro.

Thursday was D-Day. After taking Scooter to the vet, we drove to Springfield. I was afraid Wayne was having a heart attack; he got very purple in the face after walking in from the parking lot. He needs to take his Lasix, even if he does have to go to the bathroom more often. We got him settled into a wheelchair. Then the surgicenter staff started working on me. Nancy worked surgicenters in Chicago, and she was very impressed with this one. Bill was my pre-op nurse. He made me feel very comfortable. I am impressed that they gave me a scrub pants to wear. I figured I would not have one for this surgery. We had a few laughs, and I met Lisa who took my intake information on the phone last week. The pre-op room did not look like a hospital room. It looked like a private waiting room. But this is where Bill started my saline lock, and Dr. Sommers came and marked my breasts. Then they walked me into the surgical suite. I have to admit, I got nervous. I thought about calling the whole thing off. But I started praying, and Wayne the anesthetist gave me the propofol, and next thing I know it's done.

I really don't think I tolerated the anesthesia very well. My head just felt awful. I was in some pain, but it was my head that I was having a hard time tolerating. They gave me 4mg of Fentanyl. I got dizzy and nauseated when I sat up. They gave me some Compazine, which of course just added to the medicine head. The ice chips tasted wonderful.

We were going to stay the night in Springfield, but the hotel turned out to not be very disability friendly. Wayne was going to have to walk way too far. We decided to just drive home. I slept in the back seat. Was very happy to see my bed. Took 2 T-3s, and zoned out. The pain pills are my friend. But the anesthesia is finally out of my system. Call me crazy, but I could smell it in my urine. Spent most of Friday either laying on the couch, or in bed. Did read Wednesday's news paper. Scooter was happy to see me and to be home, too.

I am so glad that Nancy is here. I know she is not doing a lot, but the few things that she is doing is so beneficial. Just knowing that someone is here in case I get into trouble is worth a million.