Another day. They all seem to be the same. I got through Christmas. Well, basically ignored it, as I have for several years. Didn't have the angst of Parents After Loss support group hanging over me. I'm not going to go to their holiday memorial service this Sunday. I'm just too tired.
Wayne had his repeat sleep study, and the tech was not very happy. She couldn't get him adjusted to maintain a good oxygen saturation. I am so scared that Wayne is just going to have a massive heart attack and die. Dr. Top wants him to use oxygen with exertion, but Wayne refuses to use oxygen when we go out. He will sit at home with it running. Now he feels that his body has gotten used to the extra oxygen, and that he is feeling more short of breath with exertion than he did before. I say it is because he knows what good feels like, and when he drops, it is a bigger drop than before. But, what do I know? I am only a very experienced nurse practitioner.
I haven't been doing too much in my sewing room. I made a bunch of chenille potholders to give for Christmas gifts to the neighbors. One day I made 18 dozen cookies. My legs were numb and sore after that one. Made a second batch of oatmeal raisin cookies for Wayne because he said he liked them. He wanted me to make a double batch, as he wanted to give some to his buddy Donnie. I say, let him make his own. For goodness sake.
I now have a pain in my left wrist, ulnar aspect. It is getting better. I am supposing it is from the Femara. I have decided to continue with it. I will see Dr. Thatcher next week to see what options I have in regards to my back. I am hoping some physical therapy will be helpful. Some days my legs feel like they are getting weak, but it may be just psychological. I feel better when I am active, moving. Just standing or sitting are not good.
Wayne got me a beautiful diamond cross necklace for Christmas. I was very surprised. I knew I was getting jewelry, but I figured it might be something too ostentatious for me to wear often. But this piece is beautiful! He also got me a Catholic Bible (I had asked for this). My name is printed on the front leather in gold. It is bigger than I would have liked, but I am sure I will get used to it.
Erin asked if I would make a lap quilt for her. She liked the colors and blocks from this year's block of the month, so I will get it made up for her. Wayne thought she had a lot of nerve asking me to make her a quilt. Who cares. I like making quilts, and always need a new reason to make one.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas
The following was posted on my breast cancer support group.
Symptoms Of Inner Peace
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many people have already been exposed to inner peace, and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it. Under the right circumstances, inner peace could reach epidemic proportions. This situation could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.
Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:
- A tendency to think and act spontaneously with love, rather than on fears which are based upon past experience.
- An unmistakable ability to enjoy each and every moment.
- A loss of interest in judging other people.
- A loss of interest in judging yourself.
- A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
- A loss of interest in conflict.
- A loss of the need and even the ability to worry. (Please Note: This is a very serious symptom.)
- Frequent, almost overwhelming episodes of appreciation andgratitude.
- Frequent attacks of smiling.
- An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
- An increased susceptibility to feeling the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it back.
- An unmistakable feeling that everything is okay.
Warning: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed to that individual only at your own risk. Inner peace is contagious.
Symptoms Of Inner Peace
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Be on the lookout for symptoms of inner peace. The hearts of a great many people have already been exposed to inner peace, and it is possible that people everywhere could come down with it. Under the right circumstances, inner peace could reach epidemic proportions. This situation could pose a serious threat to what has, up to now, been a fairly stable condition of conflict in the world.
Some signs and symptoms of inner peace:
- A tendency to think and act spontaneously with love, rather than on fears which are based upon past experience.
- An unmistakable ability to enjoy each and every moment.
- A loss of interest in judging other people.
- A loss of interest in judging yourself.
- A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
- A loss of interest in conflict.
- A loss of the need and even the ability to worry. (Please Note: This is a very serious symptom.)
- Frequent, almost overwhelming episodes of appreciation andgratitude.
- Frequent attacks of smiling.
- An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
- An increased susceptibility to feeling the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it back.
- An unmistakable feeling that everything is okay.
Warning: If you have some or all of the above symptoms, please be advised that your condition of inner peace may be so far advanced as to not be curable. If you are exposed to anyone exhibiting any of these symptoms, remain exposed to that individual only at your own risk. Inner peace is contagious.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Life goes on
After dealing with it for nearly 4 years, I finally decided to see the doctor about this intermittent numbness that I have been having in my left anterior thigh. It is precipitated by standing at least 10-15 minutes. Gets better with rest. It got bad over Thanksgiving when I stood for hours on Wednesday and Thursday making the feast. I think it may be from my hip, but I don't know. Dr. Collins had me take a hip and lumbar spine x-ray, and I am scheduled for an open MRI this Friday.
My hands are especially stiff and sore this morning, and they definitely are swollen. I think that I am retaining a lot of fluid. I drank a huge glass of water of last night, and don't feel like I had the urine that I should have had. I will be monitoring this. I may be asking to come off the Femara and go to the tamoxifen if these side effects continue. I feel like an old lady.
Wayne is sick this week. I came home Monday from a 12 hour shift and he was running a fever. Had a sore throat, but that is better. His lungs sounded clear. Maybe just a virus. But if this continues I am gonna take him in to convenient care and get a chest x-ray. Saturday we had very icy streets. Wayne insisted that he eat lunch at the big house. I didn't want to, so I stayed at home. Wayne should have also. He fell in front of the big house, and as no body saw him, he had to crawl to a curb under the canopy where he could finally hoist himself up. His knees have been bothering him, as well as his back. I asked if he wanted me to make an appointment to have someone check them, but he declined.
I am feeling like such a slug. I am simply not motivated to get anything done. On my days off, I am taking a 2-3 hour nap. I need to get the binding on a quilt for Laurie. I am making potholders and could be working on them. I am reading a book, but can't get motivated to read. Hopefully, this is just the Christmas blues, and will get better. I think Laurie and her family are coming down for Christmas. I have to work the Sunday before Christmas, off Christmas Eve, and work 9-2 on Christmas Day.
I did get registered for Paducah. Signed up for 5 classes, 3 of them my cyberfriend Sarah is teaching. I am so looking forward to going!
I visited the other day with neighbor Albert. He had told us he needed pipe filters, but as they are new to town, his wife didn't know where to buy them. I went to a tobacco shop and bought him two packages, as well as a big tin of Prince Albert. When I took them over there, Clara was out. Albert was so pleased with his little gift. He told me how much it meant to him when I held his hand when he was feeling bad several months ago. You never know how much the little things can brighten someone's day. We often think that because we don't do grand things that get everyone's attention that we are not doing all that we can. But it is the little small things that people truly appreciate.
My hands are especially stiff and sore this morning, and they definitely are swollen. I think that I am retaining a lot of fluid. I drank a huge glass of water of last night, and don't feel like I had the urine that I should have had. I will be monitoring this. I may be asking to come off the Femara and go to the tamoxifen if these side effects continue. I feel like an old lady.
Wayne is sick this week. I came home Monday from a 12 hour shift and he was running a fever. Had a sore throat, but that is better. His lungs sounded clear. Maybe just a virus. But if this continues I am gonna take him in to convenient care and get a chest x-ray. Saturday we had very icy streets. Wayne insisted that he eat lunch at the big house. I didn't want to, so I stayed at home. Wayne should have also. He fell in front of the big house, and as no body saw him, he had to crawl to a curb under the canopy where he could finally hoist himself up. His knees have been bothering him, as well as his back. I asked if he wanted me to make an appointment to have someone check them, but he declined.
I am feeling like such a slug. I am simply not motivated to get anything done. On my days off, I am taking a 2-3 hour nap. I need to get the binding on a quilt for Laurie. I am making potholders and could be working on them. I am reading a book, but can't get motivated to read. Hopefully, this is just the Christmas blues, and will get better. I think Laurie and her family are coming down for Christmas. I have to work the Sunday before Christmas, off Christmas Eve, and work 9-2 on Christmas Day.
I did get registered for Paducah. Signed up for 5 classes, 3 of them my cyberfriend Sarah is teaching. I am so looking forward to going!
I visited the other day with neighbor Albert. He had told us he needed pipe filters, but as they are new to town, his wife didn't know where to buy them. I went to a tobacco shop and bought him two packages, as well as a big tin of Prince Albert. When I took them over there, Clara was out. Albert was so pleased with his little gift. He told me how much it meant to him when I held his hand when he was feeling bad several months ago. You never know how much the little things can brighten someone's day. We often think that because we don't do grand things that get everyone's attention that we are not doing all that we can. But it is the little small things that people truly appreciate.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Magnolias
This was on my Yahoo breast cancer group. I really like the saying at the end.
MAGNOLIAS
By Edna Ellison
I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away. As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . . . so many details, so many bills, and so little time. My son Jack was away at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three years old!
To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church. After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the podium area and choir loft with magnolias. As we left just before midnight, I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever had! The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers - would be remembered for years.
The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiance Tim, walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check. When we opened the door and felt arush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black. An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system,and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died. I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding.Tim turned to me. "Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements."I mumbled, "Sure," as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cufflinks.
Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. "Lord," I prayed, "please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers -in a hurry!" I scurried out praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to shreds.
As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. Iapproached a house . . . no dog in sight. I knocked on the door and an older man answered. So far so good . . . no shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed, "I'd be happy to!" He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down tome. Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, "Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today.""No, Ma'am," he said. "You don't understand what's happening here.""What?" I asked."You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday . . He paused. I saw tears welling up in his eyes. "On Wednesday I buried her." He looked away. "On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went backhome, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left. I nodded."This morning," he continued, "I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-out man? Nobody! 'I began to cry louder. 'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said, "Sir, I need you." I stood with my mouth open.
He asked, "Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room . ." I assured him I was no angel. He smiled. "Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?""No.""I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flowerministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeralhome have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!"I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's weddingday, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, Iwould have said, "Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today."But God found a way. Through dead flowers.
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
MAGNOLIAS
By Edna Ellison
I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist, tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away. As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good Christian young man, I felt laden with responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . . . so many details, so many bills, and so little time. My son Jack was away at college, but he said he would be there to walk his younger sister down the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd wanted to give her away since she was about three years old!
To save money, I gathered blossoms from several friends who had large magnolia trees. Their luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves would make beautiful arrangements against the rich dark wood inside the church. After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, we banked the podium area and choir loft with magnolias. As we left just before midnight, I felt tired but satisfied this would be the best wedding any bride had ever had! The music, the ceremony, the reception - and especially the flowers - would be remembered for years.
The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life - and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her fiance Tim, walked with me to the sanctuary to do a final check. When we opened the door and felt arush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw them - all the beautiful white flowers were black. Funeral black. An electrical storm during the night had knocked out the air conditioning system,and on that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and died. I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in time for the wedding.Tim turned to me. "Edna, can you get more flowers? I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh flowers in these arrangements."I mumbled, "Sure," as he be-bopped down the hall to put on his cufflinks.
Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. "Lord," I prayed, "please help me. I don't know anyone in this town. Help me find someone willing to give me flowers -in a hurry!" I scurried out praying for four things: the blessing of white magnolias, courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut his tree to shreds.
As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the distance. Iapproached a house . . . no dog in sight. I knocked on the door and an older man answered. So far so good . . . no shotgun. When I stated my plea the man beamed, "I'd be happy to!" He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and handed them down tome. Minutes later, as I lifted the last armload into my car trunk, I said, "Sir, you've made the mother of a bride happy today.""No, Ma'am," he said. "You don't understand what's happening here.""What?" I asked."You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the funeral home, and on Wednesday . . He paused. I saw tears welling up in his eyes. "On Wednesday I buried her." He looked away. "On Thursday most of my out-of-town relatives went backhome, and on Friday - yesterday - my children left. I nodded."This morning," he continued, "I was sitting in my den crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-out man? Nobody! 'I began to cry louder. 'Nobody needs me!' About that time, you knocked, and said, "Sir, I need you." I stood with my mouth open.
He asked, "Are you an angel? The way the light shone around your head into my dark living room . ." I assured him I was no angel. He smiled. "Do you know what I was thinking when I handed you those magnolias?""No.""I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why, I might have a flowerministry! I could give them to everyone! Some caskets at the funeralhome have no flowers. People need flowers at times like that and I have lots of them. They're all over the backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches - all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls me home!"I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On Patsy's weddingday, if anyone had asked me to encourage someone who was hurting, Iwould have said, "Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding, for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister to anyone today."But God found a way. Through dead flowers.
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is.The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
Monday, November 19, 2007
Another year older
Having a birthday is rather anticlimatic, as I have been thinking myself as being 53 all year. Still do. Being 52 was just too hard. Diagnosed with breast cancer and losing my best friend.
I am still stiff in the morning, but overall feeling better. I get stiff when I sit too long, so try not to. I scrubbed the tile in our bathroom this past week, as the grout was looking bad. I should have sealed it when we moved in. It is now, and here's hoping it keeps it looking well. The next project will be the front entry and guest bath. Then the kitchen, which is the worst.
I need to get up into the attic this week to get it rearranged after we had the insulation people up there. They moved stuff out of their way, now I have to put it back. I need to get a cooler down for Thanksgiving. Also gonna have Logan and John help me put a few things up there.
Wayne has had 2 overnite pulse oximetry testing. He failed the first one miserably. He spent the majority of the night below 90%. The second one was done for Medicare. I am sure by week's end he will be set up with a concentrator and using oxygen with his CPAP. Wayne doesn't see that having low sats is a problem. But he spends most of the day sleeping in his chair. He desats when he moves, so he tries not to move. He doesn't realize how hard this is on his heart and the rest of his body. When he told his daughter Laurie that he might be going on oxygen, she started crying and couldn't talk to him any more.
I've got a good start on quilting the quilt for Laurie for her office assistant. I hope to have it completely done by next week so that we can take it up to her. Don't want to ship it.
Again, just not in the old Christmas spirit. Thank goodness, really don't have to buy anybody anything. We did buy a larger tree to put in the sunroom. I have found some brick clips so I am gonna put a wreath over the garage, and offer to do the same for Clara.
I am still stiff in the morning, but overall feeling better. I get stiff when I sit too long, so try not to. I scrubbed the tile in our bathroom this past week, as the grout was looking bad. I should have sealed it when we moved in. It is now, and here's hoping it keeps it looking well. The next project will be the front entry and guest bath. Then the kitchen, which is the worst.
I need to get up into the attic this week to get it rearranged after we had the insulation people up there. They moved stuff out of their way, now I have to put it back. I need to get a cooler down for Thanksgiving. Also gonna have Logan and John help me put a few things up there.
Wayne has had 2 overnite pulse oximetry testing. He failed the first one miserably. He spent the majority of the night below 90%. The second one was done for Medicare. I am sure by week's end he will be set up with a concentrator and using oxygen with his CPAP. Wayne doesn't see that having low sats is a problem. But he spends most of the day sleeping in his chair. He desats when he moves, so he tries not to move. He doesn't realize how hard this is on his heart and the rest of his body. When he told his daughter Laurie that he might be going on oxygen, she started crying and couldn't talk to him any more.
I've got a good start on quilting the quilt for Laurie for her office assistant. I hope to have it completely done by next week so that we can take it up to her. Don't want to ship it.
Again, just not in the old Christmas spirit. Thank goodness, really don't have to buy anybody anything. We did buy a larger tree to put in the sunroom. I have found some brick clips so I am gonna put a wreath over the garage, and offer to do the same for Clara.
Friday, October 26, 2007
It's finally Autumn
The trees are turning colors, the air is cool, the crops are mostly out of the fields. Yep, it's fall! Now if we could just get the government to repeal this daylight savings business. I see no useful purpose for it, except to mess with everybody's head. In today's 24/7 society, we are not saving any energy.
I had a post-op visit with Dr. Sommer. She is happy with the way things are looking, but still wants to see me again in 6 months. Pretty typical to be seen 1 year post-op, and my year won't be up until January. I think I will have my 6 month repeat mammo on the right before I see her. I asked the photographer for a CD of all my pictures, and she is going to send it to me, no charge. How nice.
Today I will take my last Levaquin. I hope the body aches will start to subside. Other than that side effect, I am feeling great.
I got my new carriage for my Grace quilting frame this week and have it all set up. This carriage works so much better than the original. I have the speed control on, and it is so far working great. I have a practice piece loaded and it is going great.
I am working on a baby quilt for one of our PA's Gina Bird. It is a raggy quilt, so no quilting required. But I am gonna have to get some more fabric today. Maybe a road trip to Danville or Mahomet, or Rantoul.
The local quilt guild's quilt show was this past weekend. I went with my neighbor Mary. Saw lots of great quilts, and saw lots of folks I know. I am going to rejoin the guild. Should have went last night to a meeting, but I am just feeling too tired after the trip to Springfield. Why does riding in a car wear me out? Got my new military ID while in Springfield at Camp Lincoln.
I had a post-op visit with Dr. Sommer. She is happy with the way things are looking, but still wants to see me again in 6 months. Pretty typical to be seen 1 year post-op, and my year won't be up until January. I think I will have my 6 month repeat mammo on the right before I see her. I asked the photographer for a CD of all my pictures, and she is going to send it to me, no charge. How nice.
Today I will take my last Levaquin. I hope the body aches will start to subside. Other than that side effect, I am feeling great.
I got my new carriage for my Grace quilting frame this week and have it all set up. This carriage works so much better than the original. I have the speed control on, and it is so far working great. I have a practice piece loaded and it is going great.
I am working on a baby quilt for one of our PA's Gina Bird. It is a raggy quilt, so no quilting required. But I am gonna have to get some more fabric today. Maybe a road trip to Danville or Mahomet, or Rantoul.
The local quilt guild's quilt show was this past weekend. I went with my neighbor Mary. Saw lots of great quilts, and saw lots of folks I know. I am going to rejoin the guild. Should have went last night to a meeting, but I am just feeling too tired after the trip to Springfield. Why does riding in a car wear me out? Got my new military ID while in Springfield at Camp Lincoln.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Pyelonephritis
I don't believe that I have ever felt as sick as I did on the 16th. I woke up at 4am with the chills, body aches, the ague, and just generally feeling awful. I felt so bad I considered going to the ED, but thought better of that and waited to see the doctor on call at 9:15. I got even worse there, vomited while Dr. Anu was examining me. She was so sweet, she held my head while I was throwing up in her exam room sink. She admitted me to the hospital from the clinic. She thought maybe I was having an acute GB attack, as I was painful in the RUQ. I had a little right flank pain, but no CVA tenderness on percussion. I vomited again on the way to the hospital. At the hospital I got an IV and was given Levaquin and Flagyl. Blood work and urinalysis was done. My white count was 8, which is usually normal, but the week before I had been 4, so that was a significant rise for me. I had nitrites and some leukocytes in my urine. My GB sono was normal, as was my chest x-ray, so the diagnosis was pyelonephritis. I felt better the next morning by 7:00am. I couldn't wait to get out of the hospital. Wayne and Scooter missed me. Scooter wouldn't sleep in his kennel, but slept in the living room waiting for me. Thank goodness I have the next three days off. I hope I never get that again!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Good news!
I got the results of the MRI yesterday from Dr. Collins. No evidence of disease in the left breast! Wahoo!! Because of the surgery, there are a couple funky areas in the right breast, but Dr. Fernandez doesn't call them suspicious, just wants to keep an eye on them. We don't have the mammogram result yet, but that should also be good news!
On a sad note, my friend Cindy Cunningham's father passed away earlier this week. He had just moved back here from Arizona. Had only been here a week. Cindy is on the volunteer fire department in Royal, and she got "toned out" to her mom's address. Of course she responded. She thought he had a faint pulse when she got there, so she turned up his oxygen. By the time the rest of the guys got there, he was in full arrest. It is a little crazy, as he was still married to his wife in Arizona, but they were going to get a divorce.
I am doing another block of the month at the Needle 'n I in Rantoul. This one is a Moda University mystery quilt. Did the first one last night. It is an applique basket. Pattern is cute, not too sure I like the fabrics. But it will help me stretch out of my comfort zone. I just have the outside border to quilt on the Illiana shop hop quilt, then put on the binding. I think that I will do a piped binding ala Ricky Timms.
On a sad note, my friend Cindy Cunningham's father passed away earlier this week. He had just moved back here from Arizona. Had only been here a week. Cindy is on the volunteer fire department in Royal, and she got "toned out" to her mom's address. Of course she responded. She thought he had a faint pulse when she got there, so she turned up his oxygen. By the time the rest of the guys got there, he was in full arrest. It is a little crazy, as he was still married to his wife in Arizona, but they were going to get a divorce.
I am doing another block of the month at the Needle 'n I in Rantoul. This one is a Moda University mystery quilt. Did the first one last night. It is an applique basket. Pattern is cute, not too sure I like the fabrics. But it will help me stretch out of my comfort zone. I just have the outside border to quilt on the Illiana shop hop quilt, then put on the binding. I think that I will do a piped binding ala Ricky Timms.
Monday, October 8, 2007
The waiting game
I had the mammo and MRI on Friday. The mammo wasn't any worse than before surgery. We now have digital at Christie, so I was able to look at the images. Nothing popped up as suspicious, and the tech didn't seem worried about anything.
Because we were going out to supper, I only took half of my prescribed Xanax, and then only 15 minutes before the MRI. Should have taken the whole pill. I was awake for the entire time. Didn't get claustrophobic too bad. The laying still was hard. My forehead was hurting from the pressure, and my left shoulder was really aching. My upper arm was numb the rest of the day. I made a game of how much longer by counting songs. Carla said it would take 40 minutes. I figured 12 songs should do it. It was over after 8. One of the songs was Rod Stewart's Maggie May, my theme song. I had my ring rosary in my pocket, and it would vibrate every time the magnet would engage. It reminded me that Steve was looking over me.
Now I just have to wait for Dr. Fernandez to read the films. She was in Las Vegas last week. One person said she would be back today, another thought it would be Wednesday. I won't get antsy until later this week. I see Dr. Chaudry on Friday anyway, so he should have the results. Gotta remember to get my blood drawn Wednesday or Thursday. I am going to have my cholesterol checked, as well as a thyroid panel. I figure, if the radiation got my esophagus and trachea, it may have gotten my thyroid also.
Laurie was able to get down for Wayne's birthday. We had a nice visit. Wayne was surprised and happy.
Because we were going out to supper, I only took half of my prescribed Xanax, and then only 15 minutes before the MRI. Should have taken the whole pill. I was awake for the entire time. Didn't get claustrophobic too bad. The laying still was hard. My forehead was hurting from the pressure, and my left shoulder was really aching. My upper arm was numb the rest of the day. I made a game of how much longer by counting songs. Carla said it would take 40 minutes. I figured 12 songs should do it. It was over after 8. One of the songs was Rod Stewart's Maggie May, my theme song. I had my ring rosary in my pocket, and it would vibrate every time the magnet would engage. It reminded me that Steve was looking over me.
Now I just have to wait for Dr. Fernandez to read the films. She was in Las Vegas last week. One person said she would be back today, another thought it would be Wednesday. I won't get antsy until later this week. I see Dr. Chaudry on Friday anyway, so he should have the results. Gotta remember to get my blood drawn Wednesday or Thursday. I am going to have my cholesterol checked, as well as a thyroid panel. I figure, if the radiation got my esophagus and trachea, it may have gotten my thyroid also.
Laurie was able to get down for Wayne's birthday. We had a nice visit. Wayne was surprised and happy.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
It's not fall yet!
Those folks who are poo pooing global warming as rubbish should check out the weather. It's supposed to be 90 degrees the next few days. The nights are cooler, but that is still a little warm. I decided a few weeks ago to make chicken matzo ball soup today and invite some of the neighbors. I figured it would be getting soup weather. WRONG! Still gonna make it. Maybe it will start to get cool next month.
Wayne's birthday is tomorrow. His daughter Laurie is gonna try to come down and surprise him. That will be great.
I have my mammo and breast MRI tomorrow afternoon. My left breast is sore from regeneration of nerves after the radiation. I hope it doesn't hurt too much. I don't know if I will be needing the Xanax for the MRI, but I'll take half a pill just in case. I see Dr. Chaudry next Friday. He didn't want me to have an MRI, but Dr. Collins and Dr. Fernandez and I want it, so we overrule him. I would rather have a benign biopsy after a false positive, then let a cancer grow. As my breasts are "new", Dr. Fernandez will not have anything to refer to compare.
I am having a few more aches and pain. Probably from the Femara. I had a 4 day weekend last week, and probably overdid it. Planted some daffodil bulbs, got wore out before I quit, but pushed myself to finish an area. That was on Saturday. Then Sunday midafternoon, I just got really fatigued, and that didn't go away until Tuesday morning. Right now both of my shoulders are aching. Yesterday my right thumb had a deep, annoying ache.
Got my Grace frame set up on the patio. Got a speed control for the Janome 1600. Waiting for the new no-flex carriage. Made zippered leaders, I'm ready to quilt.
Speaking of quilting, I'm going to Paducah! My internet friend Sarah Ann Smith is going to be teaching. I was very lucky and got a handicapped room in a Hampton Inn not too far from the expo center. Ideal would have a room at the center, but those are available by lottery. I offered Sarah my help, and she accepted. It is gonna be a great time. I am really psyched up.
Wayne's birthday is tomorrow. His daughter Laurie is gonna try to come down and surprise him. That will be great.
I have my mammo and breast MRI tomorrow afternoon. My left breast is sore from regeneration of nerves after the radiation. I hope it doesn't hurt too much. I don't know if I will be needing the Xanax for the MRI, but I'll take half a pill just in case. I see Dr. Chaudry next Friday. He didn't want me to have an MRI, but Dr. Collins and Dr. Fernandez and I want it, so we overrule him. I would rather have a benign biopsy after a false positive, then let a cancer grow. As my breasts are "new", Dr. Fernandez will not have anything to refer to compare.
I am having a few more aches and pain. Probably from the Femara. I had a 4 day weekend last week, and probably overdid it. Planted some daffodil bulbs, got wore out before I quit, but pushed myself to finish an area. That was on Saturday. Then Sunday midafternoon, I just got really fatigued, and that didn't go away until Tuesday morning. Right now both of my shoulders are aching. Yesterday my right thumb had a deep, annoying ache.
Got my Grace frame set up on the patio. Got a speed control for the Janome 1600. Waiting for the new no-flex carriage. Made zippered leaders, I'm ready to quilt.
Speaking of quilting, I'm going to Paducah! My internet friend Sarah Ann Smith is going to be teaching. I was very lucky and got a handicapped room in a Hampton Inn not too far from the expo center. Ideal would have a room at the center, but those are available by lottery. I offered Sarah my help, and she accepted. It is gonna be a great time. I am really psyched up.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Love the fall weather
It is starting to be fall. The nights are cool, the days are sunny and just right warm. We turned the air conditioner off, and sleep with the patio door in the bedroom open. If it weren't for the hot flashes, it would be great sleeping. I think I was awake every hour last night. Now I think I have conjunctivitis. I don't want to call in sick, but I shouldn't work if I do.
I have been busy in the sewing room. I have the Illiana quilt top done and ready to be quilted. I finished the Frank Lloyd Wright wall hanging. Also a baby quilt for Jaime Coykendall Thomas. I am working on "Opulence" which is very pretty. Giving me fits as I need to "black" out some stray elements and haven't found a successful way of doing this. I want to do some bobbin embroidery using Ricky Tims' Razzle Dazzle thread. I will be getting my Grace Frame set up on the back patio soon. I have at least 5 tops that need to be done. I am going to make zippered leaders, so that it will be easier for me to get the tops on and off.
I have my first mammogram and breast MRI scheduled for October 5. I am surely hoping that it looks good.
Wayne is getting worse, as far as his mood. He cussed me out on the street the other day for really nothing. He thought I should call Nextel information to see why my phone wasn't working. We were going to the Nextel service center right after we ate lunch at the big house, so I thought we should wait until then. This was not acceptable. Phone wasn't working because services had been transferred to the new phone that he had bought me. Certainly nothing to be cussed at for.
I have been busy in the sewing room. I have the Illiana quilt top done and ready to be quilted. I finished the Frank Lloyd Wright wall hanging. Also a baby quilt for Jaime Coykendall Thomas. I am working on "Opulence" which is very pretty. Giving me fits as I need to "black" out some stray elements and haven't found a successful way of doing this. I want to do some bobbin embroidery using Ricky Tims' Razzle Dazzle thread. I will be getting my Grace Frame set up on the back patio soon. I have at least 5 tops that need to be done. I am going to make zippered leaders, so that it will be easier for me to get the tops on and off.
I have my first mammogram and breast MRI scheduled for October 5. I am surely hoping that it looks good.
Wayne is getting worse, as far as his mood. He cussed me out on the street the other day for really nothing. He thought I should call Nextel information to see why my phone wasn't working. We were going to the Nextel service center right after we ate lunch at the big house, so I thought we should wait until then. This was not acceptable. Phone wasn't working because services had been transferred to the new phone that he had bought me. Certainly nothing to be cussed at for.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Getting past the August blues
Well, I think the August blues are behind me. But you never can tell when they will sneak back up.
August 23 was 8 years since Joey was killed. We started the day going to church for communion service. Fr. Mal was on vacation, so Deacon Andy Heckman had the service. I lit a candle for Joey. We then started on my second quilt shop hop. This one was the Illiana Quilters' Shop Hop. This was their second one, but my first time going. We went in the Thunderbird, because I wanted to get some more miles on it. It was gonna be a hot day, so I planned that I would have to put the top up. Wayne was crowded, hot, and uncomfortable, and let me know it. We started the hop in Rantoul. From there we went to Rankin to the cemetery. Wayne stayed in the car, which I assumed he would do. I don't think Rick goes to the cemetery. I never see any flowers there except the ones that I take. Isn't that sad. Then we went to Cissna Park. It was starting to get hot, but Wayne didn't want to put the top up until after we ate, because it is easier for him to get in and out with the top down. Although I did offer to put the top down to facilitate his getting in and out. Next stop was Henning's in Hoopeston for lunch. Food was not as good as it has been in the past. But did have lemon meringue pie. Then to the shop in Hoopeston, which is very nice. They have nice chatty newsletters. Too bad it is too far away to make regular visits. I put the Magellan GPS to use after this, as the next two shops were new to me. The Magellan got me to the shop in W. Lafayette, IN no problem. The shop in Lafayette was more of a problem, as the GPS didn't recognize the address. I felt fairly vulnerable because I didn't have a paper map. I did have a Google map print out of directions. Between the two, we got there. Of course, I was stressed because I am driving in unfamiliar territory, and Wayne is doing his customary back seat driving (sniping). I hit a curb by cutting a corner too short, but I was watching for traffic on the left while trying to make a right hand turn onto a busy street. Wayne yelled, cussed at me. I pulled off and started crying. He asked, demanded what was wrong with me. I can't change Wayne, I can only change myself. The shop in Lafayette is small, and is in a very old church. Very cute! From there we went to the shop in Danville. Now I have been there, but I thought I would just let the GPS direct me. It took a back way. Not really the best way. Wayne got out of the car there, because he was thirsty and had to go the bathroom. They had bottled water and cookies there, and he sat and talked with one of the ladies while I shopped. I like the Danville shop. I picked up one of their newsletters, and I think I am going to take a class this fall. Can't decide between crazy quilting or a class to make up the Illini quilt kit that I bought. I'm leaning towards the crazy quilting. They also have a monthly Linus Project club, which I think I am going to join. I like making quilts for kids, and these go to good causes. Last stop of the day was Urbana. Signed up for the Quilt Pink. They are making a quilt to raffle and proceeds will go to the Mills Breast Cancer Center. Then home. I was in a bad mood the rest of the day. Fell asleep crying.
Friday started out better. Because it was gonna rain, we took the Escape, so Wayne was more comfortable. We had a periodontal cleaning to start the day. Then off to Bourbonnais. The Magellan was fantastic, took us right to the shop. I liked that shop. Then to Manteno. We ate at a Huddle House, which is like a Waffle House. The Magellan again took us right to the shop. The last stop was Crown Point, IN. The Magellan took us to US30. Google maps took us a different way. I would have thought US30 would be faster. Probably would have been, had the traffic been moving faster than 5mph. It had been a good day until then. We spent 3 hours stuck in traffic, until we got to US41, which I turned down. The Magellan reconfigured, and got us to the shop. Wayne got in a pretty foul mood while we were sitting in traffic. I finally told him to pray the rosary, and he sarcastically laughed. I got my rosary out, and I did pray the rosary. The traffic started moving when I got near the last bead. I held the rosary through the rest of US30. Coming home we had to outsmart the Magellan. It wanted to take us back to US30 for shortest time, so I asked for shortest distance, which took us on a lot of back roads. When we got to US 41, I took it to IN63, and got home. We were home too late to go out with the Cunningham's, but went later to play cards.
I am trying to improve my internal thoughts about Wayne. I am afraid he is going to die too soon, and that being alone will be much worse than caring for him. I do love him. I do miss the Wayne that I fell in love with.
August 23 was 8 years since Joey was killed. We started the day going to church for communion service. Fr. Mal was on vacation, so Deacon Andy Heckman had the service. I lit a candle for Joey. We then started on my second quilt shop hop. This one was the Illiana Quilters' Shop Hop. This was their second one, but my first time going. We went in the Thunderbird, because I wanted to get some more miles on it. It was gonna be a hot day, so I planned that I would have to put the top up. Wayne was crowded, hot, and uncomfortable, and let me know it. We started the hop in Rantoul. From there we went to Rankin to the cemetery. Wayne stayed in the car, which I assumed he would do. I don't think Rick goes to the cemetery. I never see any flowers there except the ones that I take. Isn't that sad. Then we went to Cissna Park. It was starting to get hot, but Wayne didn't want to put the top up until after we ate, because it is easier for him to get in and out with the top down. Although I did offer to put the top down to facilitate his getting in and out. Next stop was Henning's in Hoopeston for lunch. Food was not as good as it has been in the past. But did have lemon meringue pie. Then to the shop in Hoopeston, which is very nice. They have nice chatty newsletters. Too bad it is too far away to make regular visits. I put the Magellan GPS to use after this, as the next two shops were new to me. The Magellan got me to the shop in W. Lafayette, IN no problem. The shop in Lafayette was more of a problem, as the GPS didn't recognize the address. I felt fairly vulnerable because I didn't have a paper map. I did have a Google map print out of directions. Between the two, we got there. Of course, I was stressed because I am driving in unfamiliar territory, and Wayne is doing his customary back seat driving (sniping). I hit a curb by cutting a corner too short, but I was watching for traffic on the left while trying to make a right hand turn onto a busy street. Wayne yelled, cussed at me. I pulled off and started crying. He asked, demanded what was wrong with me. I can't change Wayne, I can only change myself. The shop in Lafayette is small, and is in a very old church. Very cute! From there we went to the shop in Danville. Now I have been there, but I thought I would just let the GPS direct me. It took a back way. Not really the best way. Wayne got out of the car there, because he was thirsty and had to go the bathroom. They had bottled water and cookies there, and he sat and talked with one of the ladies while I shopped. I like the Danville shop. I picked up one of their newsletters, and I think I am going to take a class this fall. Can't decide between crazy quilting or a class to make up the Illini quilt kit that I bought. I'm leaning towards the crazy quilting. They also have a monthly Linus Project club, which I think I am going to join. I like making quilts for kids, and these go to good causes. Last stop of the day was Urbana. Signed up for the Quilt Pink. They are making a quilt to raffle and proceeds will go to the Mills Breast Cancer Center. Then home. I was in a bad mood the rest of the day. Fell asleep crying.
Friday started out better. Because it was gonna rain, we took the Escape, so Wayne was more comfortable. We had a periodontal cleaning to start the day. Then off to Bourbonnais. The Magellan was fantastic, took us right to the shop. I liked that shop. Then to Manteno. We ate at a Huddle House, which is like a Waffle House. The Magellan again took us right to the shop. The last stop was Crown Point, IN. The Magellan took us to US30. Google maps took us a different way. I would have thought US30 would be faster. Probably would have been, had the traffic been moving faster than 5mph. It had been a good day until then. We spent 3 hours stuck in traffic, until we got to US41, which I turned down. The Magellan reconfigured, and got us to the shop. Wayne got in a pretty foul mood while we were sitting in traffic. I finally told him to pray the rosary, and he sarcastically laughed. I got my rosary out, and I did pray the rosary. The traffic started moving when I got near the last bead. I held the rosary through the rest of US30. Coming home we had to outsmart the Magellan. It wanted to take us back to US30 for shortest time, so I asked for shortest distance, which took us on a lot of back roads. When we got to US 41, I took it to IN63, and got home. We were home too late to go out with the Cunningham's, but went later to play cards.
I am trying to improve my internal thoughts about Wayne. I am afraid he is going to die too soon, and that being alone will be much worse than caring for him. I do love him. I do miss the Wayne that I fell in love with.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Meltdown
I had a meltdown on Sunday the 5th. 27 years ago that day was BJ's last full day of life. I worked 8-2 as usual. Busy, but not hectic, but got behind on my dictation, so didn't leave work until almost 3pm. Went to County Market and bought groceries. Came home and unloaded the groceries. Finished the laundry, read the newspaper. I had a roast in the CrockPot, so only had to make mashed potatoes and a vegatable. When supper was ready, Wayne was still watching a movie, which he couldn't put on hold, so he ate in the living room in front of the TV. I ate by myself at the dining room table. I was cleaning up the supper dishes, when Wayne hollered for me to clean him. It struck me wrong. I felt like smashing the measuring cup that was in my hand. I went in and did the task. Wayne could tell I was mad. I was mad. Not at him. I don't know what I was mad at. Mad that I had lost BJ. Mad that I had lost Joe. Mad that it was August again, that hateful month when so many that I loved had died. Mad that nobody ever calls me up to see how I am doing. Oh, I get phone calls. People wanting my help. Mad that my best friend Steve has died. Mad that I have breast cancer, and not knowing what will happen to me. Wayne thought I was just mad at him, starting getting upset that I was upset, because he can't do anything. But it wasn't about Wayne. He started crying. What about ME?
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Happy Birthday, BJ
Today my baby BJ would be 27 years old. But instead of celebrating, I am feeling blue. This is the start of my depression month.
I have been really tired lately. I am not sure why. I have plenty of energy at work, but when I get home, I am exhausted. The hot flashes are bad at night, and I am awake almost every hour. Maybe that is why I am tired.
I have been feeding the ducklings cracked corn. They are so cute to watch. They dive under the water at times, and sometimes just put their head under the water with their little butts sticking up. I had a nest of bunnies in my flower bed by the lamp post. But the day after I discovered them, they were dead. I haven't seen the momma, so I guess something happened to her. I buried the five little bunnies in the next door yard.
My patient Peggy Lietz passed away this weekend. She came to me when she found a lump in her breast. It turned out to be a metaplastic breast tumor, very rare, and very deadly. We were diagnosed at about the same time.
I am looking forward to the next shop hop.
I have been really tired lately. I am not sure why. I have plenty of energy at work, but when I get home, I am exhausted. The hot flashes are bad at night, and I am awake almost every hour. Maybe that is why I am tired.
I have been feeding the ducklings cracked corn. They are so cute to watch. They dive under the water at times, and sometimes just put their head under the water with their little butts sticking up. I had a nest of bunnies in my flower bed by the lamp post. But the day after I discovered them, they were dead. I haven't seen the momma, so I guess something happened to her. I buried the five little bunnies in the next door yard.
My patient Peggy Lietz passed away this weekend. She came to me when she found a lump in her breast. It turned out to be a metaplastic breast tumor, very rare, and very deadly. We were diagnosed at about the same time.
I am looking forward to the next shop hop.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Lazy summer
Summer so far has been pretty quiet, except for nobody feeling the best. I had a relapse of my sore throat, to the point that I have an appointment for a videostroboscopy next month with Ed McCammack in ENT. My voice is still a little raspy, not noticeable. Thank goodness that horrible pain is gone.
I asked LeAnn Young at the cancer center about breast MRIs, as I seem to get some conflicting answers. She told me that Dr. Fernandez wants you to be off tamoxifen and Femara 3 weeks before a breast MRI, and that she personally didn't think that being off that treatment was a very good idea. I don't either, but I couldn't understand the why, so I contacted Dr. Fernandez about this. She told me that she wants ladies off SERMs and estrogen 3 weeks before the breast MRI, as they make it more difficult to read. But the aromatase inhibitors, of which Femara is, actually make it easier to read the breast MRIs. She feels that I should have breast MRI. So does Dr. Collins, so I will see if I can get the insurance company to pay for it.
The East Central Illinois Quilt Shop Hop is over, and I am almost done with the quilt top. This is a record for me. The proceeds from this shop hop goes to breast cancer research, so I especially wish to participate. The Illiana shop hop is next month, I am looking forward to it. I will be going to some new shops. Kathy at the Needle 'n I in Rantoul gave me a peek at the blocks, and I like the look. Very country. Unfortunately, there are only 10 shops, thus only 10 blocks, so to make a rectangular quilt, I need to make 2 more 12" blocks, or one 12"x24" block. I saw what Kathy had done, and I am getting some ideas already.
I was sorely tempted earlier this week to get a new sewing/embroidery machine. I was at the shop in Danville, which is solely a Janome dealer, and they have the 11000 there set up. And of course, on sale. Wayne had went with me. It was gonna be over $6000 out the door. I can't justify the drain of my savings account. I don't think I would use that embroidery aspect enough to make it worth the while. But I might in the future. Thank goodness I am such a cheapskate. Wayne offered to help with the cost, but I just can't justify it. Maybe someday.
We have more company coming, but at least I had some warning. Just don't know exactly when to expect them. I thought they would have been here by now. This is Todd, Julie's oldest son, his fiancee, and two kids. I hope he isn't bringing his pit bull!
I asked LeAnn Young at the cancer center about breast MRIs, as I seem to get some conflicting answers. She told me that Dr. Fernandez wants you to be off tamoxifen and Femara 3 weeks before a breast MRI, and that she personally didn't think that being off that treatment was a very good idea. I don't either, but I couldn't understand the why, so I contacted Dr. Fernandez about this. She told me that she wants ladies off SERMs and estrogen 3 weeks before the breast MRI, as they make it more difficult to read. But the aromatase inhibitors, of which Femara is, actually make it easier to read the breast MRIs. She feels that I should have breast MRI. So does Dr. Collins, so I will see if I can get the insurance company to pay for it.
The East Central Illinois Quilt Shop Hop is over, and I am almost done with the quilt top. This is a record for me. The proceeds from this shop hop goes to breast cancer research, so I especially wish to participate. The Illiana shop hop is next month, I am looking forward to it. I will be going to some new shops. Kathy at the Needle 'n I in Rantoul gave me a peek at the blocks, and I like the look. Very country. Unfortunately, there are only 10 shops, thus only 10 blocks, so to make a rectangular quilt, I need to make 2 more 12" blocks, or one 12"x24" block. I saw what Kathy had done, and I am getting some ideas already.
I was sorely tempted earlier this week to get a new sewing/embroidery machine. I was at the shop in Danville, which is solely a Janome dealer, and they have the 11000 there set up. And of course, on sale. Wayne had went with me. It was gonna be over $6000 out the door. I can't justify the drain of my savings account. I don't think I would use that embroidery aspect enough to make it worth the while. But I might in the future. Thank goodness I am such a cheapskate. Wayne offered to help with the cost, but I just can't justify it. Maybe someday.
We have more company coming, but at least I had some warning. Just don't know exactly when to expect them. I thought they would have been here by now. This is Todd, Julie's oldest son, his fiancee, and two kids. I hope he isn't bringing his pit bull!
Monday, July 9, 2007
Life update
Well, my laryngitis is improved. I thought for a while there I was going to have to see Ed McCammack. But it is starting to be but a bad memory.
Of course, Wayne had to catch what I had. His ear was very inflammed, and I started him on Ceftin. Because Wayne has a habit of snotting in his hands rather than a tissue, and he never washes his hands, he gave himself conjunctivitis. So one more thing I have to do for Wayne, give him his eyedrops (of course, he can't give them to himself.)
I am sooooooo missing Steve. I could feel his presence Saturday afternoon. It was so remarkable. If I had smelled his Polo, I would have sworn he was physically there. I talk to him in my mind, wandering what he would have to say about things that are going on. I pray that Carol and Gilvie are doing well.
Wayne failed to tell me that his friend Julie was going to be stopping by for a few days visit. Well, he did tell me about 4 hours before she got here. That would not be acceptable if that had occured to him.
Of course, Wayne had to catch what I had. His ear was very inflammed, and I started him on Ceftin. Because Wayne has a habit of snotting in his hands rather than a tissue, and he never washes his hands, he gave himself conjunctivitis. So one more thing I have to do for Wayne, give him his eyedrops (of course, he can't give them to himself.)
I am sooooooo missing Steve. I could feel his presence Saturday afternoon. It was so remarkable. If I had smelled his Polo, I would have sworn he was physically there. I talk to him in my mind, wandering what he would have to say about things that are going on. I pray that Carol and Gilvie are doing well.
Wayne failed to tell me that his friend Julie was going to be stopping by for a few days visit. Well, he did tell me about 4 hours before she got here. That would not be acceptable if that had occured to him.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
My ears!
Well, I am having no pain in my ears, but when Wayne got up this morning and turned on the television, I thought I was going crazy. It sounded like the sound was vibrating. It sounded funny when I brushed my teeth with the sonic care. I had Dr. Browder look in my ears, and she said my left is starting to look red. I have started on Ceftin, once again. Hopefully I will get over this without incident. I do not want to be on steroids.
Tracheitis
Wow! I didn't realize that I hadn't posted in 6 weeks! A lot of things have happened!
Our new neighbors moved in. Al and Clara are sweet, hard of hearing, and bewildered at times. Al is 91, a retired surgeon, and Clara is 86. Al is pretty disabled with his back and hips, also very poor hearing. Clara does everything, like I do, for Al. Their daughter Kathleen is a sweetheart and she and her husband help them out a lot. Clara likes me, and says that she feels good just knowing I'm next door.
Wayne's daughter Donna was here for a week in June. She was bored the whole time. She did like the quilt I gave her. We went up to Naperville to visit Laurie and her family. Ken came down and visited with us. Laurie got on my case about Wayne. I don't know what to do. Wayne has got to be motivated to make his own changes. I try to support his good habits, and discourage his bad. But I can't make him be more active if he doesn't want to be.
Poor Scooter! We kenneled him at the vets for the weekend we went to Laurie's. I picked him up on Sunday night and the vet said he had been fine. The lady who picked up just in front of me had an animal who had developed diarrhea while there. She was told it was stress, but they had put it on antibiotics. Well, we got home, and Scooter promptly pooped on the living room rug. I was getting gas in my car at that time. Scooter later went on to have more poop on the rugs. I called the vets the next morning, but thought it was just stress, not to feed him until it had been 12 hours from his last poop, then boiled hamburger and rice. By that evening he had had 2 or 3 more poops, pretty mucuosy, and Scooter was looking pretty punk. We took him to the emergency animal clinic. No fever, but he did have an overgrowth of bacteria in his stool. They placed him on metronidiazole for a week. And I started fixing him boiled hamburger and rice (thankfully, I had a bunch of rice leftover from earlier in the week.) He started perking up pretty quickly, and best of all, no more poops on my carpeting. Thank goodness we had purchased a Spotbot right after we moved in. It has paid for itself!
We have also had our back patio enclosed to make a sunroom. I love it, and all the neighbors have complimented us on it. Of course, Donny Robinson is going to get one just like it (although he says his will be better...right). We had Jason and Angie make a strip two foot out from the back side of the house, edged with brick and filled with river rock. We have brick pavers for steps outside the three doors. I have planted two red roses so far. These went in front of the white porch bannister on the patio that we did not enclose. I bought some pleated flag bunting to hang from the bannisters for Fourth of July. I have received a lot of nice compliments on that. Nina from across the pond said I had stolen her thunder, as she was going to do the same. I told her I think it would look great for her to have it also, and gave her the brochure from the website that I used to order it. I couldn't find any in town.
Which brings me up to today's title. I have been feeling pretty good. Really no fatigue. June 27 I rode my scooter home from work in the rain. Didn't get chilled, and stripped and took a hot shower immediately when I got home. Felt well on June 28. June 29 I started feeling lousy, headache, bodyaches, fevers, chills. I laid around the house all day, worried that I might not be able to work on Sunday. Felt better on Saturday June 30. Had a slight sore throat, and little nasal congestion. Started coughing Saturday night. Not a deep cough, more from the back of the throat. By Sunday morning, I am feeling great, but I am pretty hoarse. I managed to see 40 patients in 6 hours and still stayed cheerful. The next day, yesterday, I go to work, but I am even more hoarse. But I feel great otherwise. Last night while fixing supper, I started to chill and have the body aches. My left ear also started to hurt. Took a Vicodin and went to bed.
Woke up this morning at 4:30 and couldn't stop coughing. Cough is coming from the back of my throat. My ear feels a little better. I'm thinking I have tracheitis. Makes sense, as I had esophagitis from the radiation, the trachea is right there, and LeAnn said I could be at risk from pneumonitis for 6 months after I was done with treatments. I started myelf on Advair on Sunday. I see Dr. Chaudry this Friday. I don't see LeAnn for another 2 weeks.
I am starting to get some sensation back in my left breast that I had lost during radiation. I am getting a pulling sensation when I lift, reach with my left arm and shoulder. I am trying to keep it supple.
I have been praying for God to help me with patience with Wayne. I am praying that I keep a good attitude, that I don't be sarcastic. It is a horrible struggle for me. That is why I need God to help me.
I got the new Janome sewing table! It is wonderful! Well worth the money spent. Next weekend is the East Central Illinois Quilt Shop Hop. I am also signed up for the Illiana Quilter's Shop Hop in August. Can't wait!
Our new neighbors moved in. Al and Clara are sweet, hard of hearing, and bewildered at times. Al is 91, a retired surgeon, and Clara is 86. Al is pretty disabled with his back and hips, also very poor hearing. Clara does everything, like I do, for Al. Their daughter Kathleen is a sweetheart and she and her husband help them out a lot. Clara likes me, and says that she feels good just knowing I'm next door.
Wayne's daughter Donna was here for a week in June. She was bored the whole time. She did like the quilt I gave her. We went up to Naperville to visit Laurie and her family. Ken came down and visited with us. Laurie got on my case about Wayne. I don't know what to do. Wayne has got to be motivated to make his own changes. I try to support his good habits, and discourage his bad. But I can't make him be more active if he doesn't want to be.
Poor Scooter! We kenneled him at the vets for the weekend we went to Laurie's. I picked him up on Sunday night and the vet said he had been fine. The lady who picked up just in front of me had an animal who had developed diarrhea while there. She was told it was stress, but they had put it on antibiotics. Well, we got home, and Scooter promptly pooped on the living room rug. I was getting gas in my car at that time. Scooter later went on to have more poop on the rugs. I called the vets the next morning, but thought it was just stress, not to feed him until it had been 12 hours from his last poop, then boiled hamburger and rice. By that evening he had had 2 or 3 more poops, pretty mucuosy, and Scooter was looking pretty punk. We took him to the emergency animal clinic. No fever, but he did have an overgrowth of bacteria in his stool. They placed him on metronidiazole for a week. And I started fixing him boiled hamburger and rice (thankfully, I had a bunch of rice leftover from earlier in the week.) He started perking up pretty quickly, and best of all, no more poops on my carpeting. Thank goodness we had purchased a Spotbot right after we moved in. It has paid for itself!
We have also had our back patio enclosed to make a sunroom. I love it, and all the neighbors have complimented us on it. Of course, Donny Robinson is going to get one just like it (although he says his will be better...right). We had Jason and Angie make a strip two foot out from the back side of the house, edged with brick and filled with river rock. We have brick pavers for steps outside the three doors. I have planted two red roses so far. These went in front of the white porch bannister on the patio that we did not enclose. I bought some pleated flag bunting to hang from the bannisters for Fourth of July. I have received a lot of nice compliments on that. Nina from across the pond said I had stolen her thunder, as she was going to do the same. I told her I think it would look great for her to have it also, and gave her the brochure from the website that I used to order it. I couldn't find any in town.
Which brings me up to today's title. I have been feeling pretty good. Really no fatigue. June 27 I rode my scooter home from work in the rain. Didn't get chilled, and stripped and took a hot shower immediately when I got home. Felt well on June 28. June 29 I started feeling lousy, headache, bodyaches, fevers, chills. I laid around the house all day, worried that I might not be able to work on Sunday. Felt better on Saturday June 30. Had a slight sore throat, and little nasal congestion. Started coughing Saturday night. Not a deep cough, more from the back of the throat. By Sunday morning, I am feeling great, but I am pretty hoarse. I managed to see 40 patients in 6 hours and still stayed cheerful. The next day, yesterday, I go to work, but I am even more hoarse. But I feel great otherwise. Last night while fixing supper, I started to chill and have the body aches. My left ear also started to hurt. Took a Vicodin and went to bed.
Woke up this morning at 4:30 and couldn't stop coughing. Cough is coming from the back of my throat. My ear feels a little better. I'm thinking I have tracheitis. Makes sense, as I had esophagitis from the radiation, the trachea is right there, and LeAnn said I could be at risk from pneumonitis for 6 months after I was done with treatments. I started myelf on Advair on Sunday. I see Dr. Chaudry this Friday. I don't see LeAnn for another 2 weeks.
I am starting to get some sensation back in my left breast that I had lost during radiation. I am getting a pulling sensation when I lift, reach with my left arm and shoulder. I am trying to keep it supple.
I have been praying for God to help me with patience with Wayne. I am praying that I keep a good attitude, that I don't be sarcastic. It is a horrible struggle for me. That is why I need God to help me.
I got the new Janome sewing table! It is wonderful! Well worth the money spent. Next weekend is the East Central Illinois Quilt Shop Hop. I am also signed up for the Illiana Quilter's Shop Hop in August. Can't wait!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Feeling blue
I was really feeling blue Sunday evening. I worked Sunday 8-2 in convenient care, and of course we were busy. But I got through it and stayed in a good mood. Got home, still doing well. Sometime around supper time it just hit me. We were trying to decide where we would go to eat supper. We decided on Niro's Gyros, as Wayne had never eaten there before. It hit me while we were eating. Wayne is terribly disabled, and he just doesn't care to do anything about it. He won't even stand at a counter to give his order. He sits down and barks orders at me. Of course, I got his wrong, and they had to change it. I got more food than I wanted, because there was a deal, there's always got to be a deal. Fortunately, the gyros taste okay left over. But as I am sitting there watching Wayne shove huge amounts of food into his mouth, I was so disgusted. Here is a man who can barely walk because he has let his body disintegrate, his diabetes is totally out of control, and he doesn't care. Margaret will take care of me. So what if I can't even wipe my own ass after I defecate, Margaret will. So what if Margaret is trapped and can't even go away for a short weekend respite. So what is Margaret feels cheated, because her husband is not really a husband, but more of a patient. Her children are dead. Her best friend and confidante is dead.
I'm glad I didn't reduce my Lexapro dosage.
I'm glad I didn't reduce my Lexapro dosage.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Mother's Day
Mother's Day was better than most. I volunteered to work at Convenient Care, as I figured most people would not wish to work. It was not busy, not like the Sunday before when I saw 40 people in 6 hours. It was a pretty day out, warm with a nice breeze. When I got off work, I went to WalMart to buy a plant stand for the nice planter that the Cunningham's got me for Mother's day. Ended up buying a miniature rose, a hibiscus, a new sprinkler, some patch grass mix, rhizomes for lilies of the valley (don't know where I'm gonna plant those), and a statue of a puppy holding a bone in his mouth and a sign around his neck saying "Welcome". Got the plant stand, also. Came home, took a walk, then worked in the yard a little bit.
I got an MP3 player for mother's day. There was a Sony Walkman on Woot.com. I don't know why I have been wanting one. The Sony has an FM tuner, so I thought at least I could use it as a radio. Cindy Cunningham told us that their experience with generic MP3 players was bad, so they ended up getting Katie an IPOD. But I didn't have any problem getting the Sony connected on my laptop. Was able to download songs from the internet (of course, from Sony's site) and also transfered from a CD to the player.
Joey would have had an IPOD when they first came out. He loved his music. He was also into all the technical stuff. I think he would have been a great road crew member.
Met the new neighbors, Joyce and Karl. They are very nice. Karl is a retired prof from the UofI.
I got an MP3 player for mother's day. There was a Sony Walkman on Woot.com. I don't know why I have been wanting one. The Sony has an FM tuner, so I thought at least I could use it as a radio. Cindy Cunningham told us that their experience with generic MP3 players was bad, so they ended up getting Katie an IPOD. But I didn't have any problem getting the Sony connected on my laptop. Was able to download songs from the internet (of course, from Sony's site) and also transfered from a CD to the player.
Joey would have had an IPOD when they first came out. He loved his music. He was also into all the technical stuff. I think he would have been a great road crew member.
Met the new neighbors, Joyce and Karl. They are very nice. Karl is a retired prof from the UofI.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Joey's presence
This is something I typically would talk with Steve about. But, no can do. I know that Steve knows about it, because I know that he is watching over me.
Yesterday in Convenient Care, I thought about Joe a lot. My last patient of the day I sutured. He was an Eagle Scout, and he reminded me a lot of Joe. When I went home, I checked my email on AOL. Now, I still have Joe's two screen names on our account. I know, I just don't want to give that away. Anyway, sometimes when I try to sign onto AOL, my screen name will get flipped to Wayne's, which is listed just below mine. Joe's two screen names are below Wayne's. Last night, after I entered my password, the program said that I needed to enter a password. When I closed that screen, one of Joe's screen names was on the sign in. How about that for wierd. I cried myself to sleep, thinking about Joe.
Feeling pretty good. Enjoying the weather. Still not very part time, as we are down 2 PRN providers in convenient care. But it still is better than internal medicine.
Yesterday in Convenient Care, I thought about Joe a lot. My last patient of the day I sutured. He was an Eagle Scout, and he reminded me a lot of Joe. When I went home, I checked my email on AOL. Now, I still have Joe's two screen names on our account. I know, I just don't want to give that away. Anyway, sometimes when I try to sign onto AOL, my screen name will get flipped to Wayne's, which is listed just below mine. Joe's two screen names are below Wayne's. Last night, after I entered my password, the program said that I needed to enter a password. When I closed that screen, one of Joe's screen names was on the sign in. How about that for wierd. I cried myself to sleep, thinking about Joe.
Feeling pretty good. Enjoying the weather. Still not very part time, as we are down 2 PRN providers in convenient care. But it still is better than internal medicine.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Working part-time
I now feel that I am officially part-time. Monday was last day in Internal Medicine. My patients were sad, but they understand. Unfortunately, most of them have been through multiple providers, and they felt that I was the anchor that could keep them stable.
The department had a big carry in for me on Monday. Then Dr. Sundaram took us (our team) out to supper at Biaggi's. It was a nice day to end one chapter and go to the next.
No new symptoms with the Femara. My back is bothering me some. The crazy thing is, it starts hurting when I am at work. Not when I have been working in the yard. Heat seems to be the only thing that makes it feel better. Then it is better the next morning. Crazy.
I passed out May baskets filled with candy yesterday. I had made the baskets, they were coiled fabric, technique I learned from Fons and Porter.
I am so enjoying the nice weather. Wayne is using his mobility scooter almost every day when the weather is nice. I am so glad he is getting out more.
The department had a big carry in for me on Monday. Then Dr. Sundaram took us (our team) out to supper at Biaggi's. It was a nice day to end one chapter and go to the next.
No new symptoms with the Femara. My back is bothering me some. The crazy thing is, it starts hurting when I am at work. Not when I have been working in the yard. Heat seems to be the only thing that makes it feel better. Then it is better the next morning. Crazy.
I passed out May baskets filled with candy yesterday. I had made the baskets, they were coiled fabric, technique I learned from Fons and Porter.
I am so enjoying the nice weather. Wayne is using his mobility scooter almost every day when the weather is nice. I am so glad he is getting out more.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Called in sick
Today is the first time I have called in sick since coming back to work. I have had a cold for almost 2 weeks, thought I was getting better. Then yesterday, I got a sore throat and a low grade fever. Felt bad last night, and I am still not feeling very good, so decided to call in sick. I feel bad for my internal medicine patients. But I have to do what is best for me. I thought about what Steve would tell me. Take care of ME.
I started the Femara yesterday afternoon. I don't think I am having any side effects, but I'm feeling lousy from the cold, who could tell. I didn't sleep very well last night, but I did fall asleep on the couch. The patient literature said the Femara could make me drowsy. Didn't last night. The hot flashes have not been any different so far.
I was having a lot of body aches yesterday, but I am sure that was from Saturday's exertions. Brother John and nephew Logan met me in Ogden, and we almost emptied our storage shed (my quilting frame is still in there. Because it was raining, we left it.) Then we put all the stuff up in the attic. Thank goodness there were three of us. It would have taken a long time with just two, and some of the heavy stuff needed three. Most of that stuff we will never use again. But some I couldn't bear to part with, and some Wayne wouldn't let me throw away.
We had some landscaping done last week. Had a tree planted, Cleveland Flowering Pear, with a brick ring and rock. Had a brick ring and soil for planting annuals put around our lamp post. Then another brick square with some perenials. Along the east side of the house, we had barberry plants put in between the house and the sidewalk. A lot of the neighbors have commented on it, and seem to like it.
Speaking of neighbors, the unit next to ours has sold. Haven't met the couple, as they will move in Memorial Day weekend. I have met their daughter, who works at the clinic in physical therapy. She seems very nice. He is a retired surgeon (91), she is a retired nurse (86?) Moving here from Florida.
I started the Femara yesterday afternoon. I don't think I am having any side effects, but I'm feeling lousy from the cold, who could tell. I didn't sleep very well last night, but I did fall asleep on the couch. The patient literature said the Femara could make me drowsy. Didn't last night. The hot flashes have not been any different so far.
I was having a lot of body aches yesterday, but I am sure that was from Saturday's exertions. Brother John and nephew Logan met me in Ogden, and we almost emptied our storage shed (my quilting frame is still in there. Because it was raining, we left it.) Then we put all the stuff up in the attic. Thank goodness there were three of us. It would have taken a long time with just two, and some of the heavy stuff needed three. Most of that stuff we will never use again. But some I couldn't bear to part with, and some Wayne wouldn't let me throw away.
We had some landscaping done last week. Had a tree planted, Cleveland Flowering Pear, with a brick ring and rock. Had a brick ring and soil for planting annuals put around our lamp post. Then another brick square with some perenials. Along the east side of the house, we had barberry plants put in between the house and the sidewalk. A lot of the neighbors have commented on it, and seem to like it.
Speaking of neighbors, the unit next to ours has sold. Haven't met the couple, as they will move in Memorial Day weekend. I have met their daughter, who works at the clinic in physical therapy. She seems very nice. He is a retired surgeon (91), she is a retired nurse (86?) Moving here from Florida.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Life goes on
There really isn't much going on. I will finish my radiation tomorrow. Except for some radiation esophagitis, and a small area on my anterior chest wall at the left sternoclavicular joint that got burned, I have had no complications. Just the daily grind of going for the daily treatments.
Work has not been part-time. Most weeks I have put in 40 hours. It has been difficult to work primary care one day per week. Also, I have not had 2 days off from the clinic, except for a few weekends. Not what I expected out of part-time. Convenient care offered me 24 hours, with the days consecutive, so that I will have 4 days off in a row, except for the occasional weekend. I think I will be much happier with this situation.
I will start my Femara this weekend. Didn't want to start until I was done with the radiation. I so hope that I won't get any bad side effects. The hot flashes have started to improve, really would not like to have them get worse.
Got in "trouble" with Provena for accessing my own medical records on their computer system. This was from December after I had my biopsies. My punishment will be loss of access. I am not upset. I maintain that for my confidentiality, it would be much better for me to access my own records, than to have other people handling my records. Also, I was making sure that I had the copies for SIU Springfield's Breast Cancer Center. Blah, blah, blah.
I am so missing Steve. I had a dream about him the other night. It just seemed so real. I have no one who understands me like he did. I try to talk with Carol every week. She is having a very difficult time. Steve would want me to help her as much as I can. I told Carol that Steve told me after Joe was killed that he did not want me going through this without him. I don't want Carol to go through this grief without me. Steve would want this.
Work has not been part-time. Most weeks I have put in 40 hours. It has been difficult to work primary care one day per week. Also, I have not had 2 days off from the clinic, except for a few weekends. Not what I expected out of part-time. Convenient care offered me 24 hours, with the days consecutive, so that I will have 4 days off in a row, except for the occasional weekend. I think I will be much happier with this situation.
I will start my Femara this weekend. Didn't want to start until I was done with the radiation. I so hope that I won't get any bad side effects. The hot flashes have started to improve, really would not like to have them get worse.
Got in "trouble" with Provena for accessing my own medical records on their computer system. This was from December after I had my biopsies. My punishment will be loss of access. I am not upset. I maintain that for my confidentiality, it would be much better for me to access my own records, than to have other people handling my records. Also, I was making sure that I had the copies for SIU Springfield's Breast Cancer Center. Blah, blah, blah.
I am so missing Steve. I had a dream about him the other night. It just seemed so real. I have no one who understands me like he did. I try to talk with Carol every week. She is having a very difficult time. Steve would want me to help her as much as I can. I told Carol that Steve told me after Joe was killed that he did not want me going through this without him. I don't want Carol to go through this grief without me. Steve would want this.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Back to work
Week two of radiation, and other than some mild tenderness to the breast and some fatigue, I am doing well. I suppose that I will start seeing some skin changes. I am certainly hoping that I will not be getting any breakdown around the surgical scars. They are looking good, and I would like to keep it that way.
I went back to to work this week. I have asked to go minimum of 20 hours per week, with flexing up to 40 or more as I feel that I can. Already, convenient care has asked me to work 2 extra shifts, so I don't think I am going to have any problem with getting hours if I want them. I will only be working 1 day per week in Internal Medicine. That will be on Monday. It seems strange to be there that little. One of my pet patients is not happy that I will only be available on Mondays. But I reassured him that I will be around. If he needs anything, to call my nurse Susan and she will get the message to me. When I told him about my breast cancer, he said he would add me to his rosary beads. How very nice! I told him that since my best friend had died, I needed someone else to pray for me.
I have been very busy in the quilting room. I was between projects yesterday. Decided that I need to work on my quilt scrapbook, which I hadn't worked on in several years! TSK! I've almost got it up to date. Fortunately, 2006 didn't have me working on too many projects as we were getting ready to move.
I went back to to work this week. I have asked to go minimum of 20 hours per week, with flexing up to 40 or more as I feel that I can. Already, convenient care has asked me to work 2 extra shifts, so I don't think I am going to have any problem with getting hours if I want them. I will only be working 1 day per week in Internal Medicine. That will be on Monday. It seems strange to be there that little. One of my pet patients is not happy that I will only be available on Mondays. But I reassured him that I will be around. If he needs anything, to call my nurse Susan and she will get the message to me. When I told him about my breast cancer, he said he would add me to his rosary beads. How very nice! I told him that since my best friend had died, I needed someone else to pray for me.
I have been very busy in the quilting room. I was between projects yesterday. Decided that I need to work on my quilt scrapbook, which I hadn't worked on in several years! TSK! I've almost got it up to date. Fortunately, 2006 didn't have me working on too many projects as we were getting ready to move.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sadness
We are very sad now. My best friend Steve Zook passed away last night. He has been a walking miracle. He survived over 11 years after being diagnosed with not one, but two different lung cancers. He had been failing for the past year, and his body finally wore out. His spirit was still strong, and he was hoping for one more miracle, even in his last hours. I was blessed to be at his bedside when he passed from this world to the next. I felt him give me a hug before his spirit went to be with Jesus. I stayed with his body until the funeral director took him away. I took off his leads, and removed his lines. We are very fortunate in this life to have one or two good friends. Steve was one of mine.
I start my radiation in earnest today. Last week was just the set up. I have gone two weeks using the natural deodorant, which is just now really working well. I still feel very damp, but not quite as smelly.
I start my radiation in earnest today. Last week was just the set up. I have gone two weeks using the natural deodorant, which is just now really working well. I still feel very damp, but not quite as smelly.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Blizzard 2007
Wow! It's been a long time since we have had bad weather like this! We have a 2 1/2 foot drift on our patio. Our neighbor Dee has a drift behind her house that is at least 3 foot. The UofI cancelled classes yesterday and today. That hasn't happened since 1979. Champaign was on Fox News and the ABC evening news because of the weather.
Another weather related bit of news, UofI basketball players Jamar Smith and Brian Carlwell were involved in a bad accident Monday night. Smith was driving, apparently lost control and hit a tree. Saw the car on the news, looked like the passenger side took the brunt of the damage. Smith was treated and released from Carle with a concussion. Carlwell was at first listed in critial condition, was upgraded to serious. Smith was ticketed for improper lane usage. No other comments from the Athletic Association or Coach Weber. But my gut says that Smith will be suspended for the rest of the season. I feel bad for Brian and his family. Brian had his best game this year at Indiana. My prayers are with him.
Well, back to me. I was supposed to have my first session with radiation, starting with my CT staging, yesterday. Unfortunately, the radiation therapist all live out of town, so that was cancelled. I will call later today, if the clinic is open, to get it rescheduled. I hope it won't take long. I would like to get a good number of treatments under my belt before I go back to work.
I also had a bone density yesterday. When my CT was cancelled, I called to see if I was still on for the bone density. Collette answered the phone; she is the person who does that exam. She said I could come on over and have it done in the morning instead of waiting until the afternoon. So we got bundled up and went on over. Thank goodness I have the all wheel drive Escape. The hardest part was getting out of the driveway and subdivision, as they hadn't been plowed. The rest was a breeze. Stopped into convenient care and talked with them for a few minutes.
I talked with Jean Smith last week about possibly going part-time, either 3/5 or 4/5. I will talk with Melody McCammack next week when she gets back from vacation. I don't think that I want to do 12 hour days. My tentative March schedule in convenient care looks doable to me. If I do 2 7hour days in Internal Medicine (can't do 8 hours because of radition treatments) that will give me around 32-36 hours.
My head and energy levels are clearing up and I can do more in my quilting room. I finished the baby quilt for Dr. Ho's new grandson Gabriel. I finished the quilt top for Donna, Wayne's daughter. I am waiting on the backing material from equilter.com to be able to finish it. I am going to quilt it off the frame. Going to see if I can go to the Cunningham's and lay it out on their basement floor to put the sandwich together. Will have to dodge Ben and Andrea, but it will be fun to have the company. I am now working on finishing 2005 Quilt Shop Hop quilt. I have 7 blocks done, and hope to have the rest done before I get the backing material for Donna's quilt.
Wayne must be getting cabin fever. He flies off the handle at the least little thing. I am trying to be as patient as I can. I try to point out in a nice way that he is coming across very nasty and accusatory. I don't think he is going to change. I just wish he wouldn't get worse.
My best friend Steve is just not doing any better. He had a feeding tube inserted last week. That has given him one more thing to worry about, which he doesn't need. Carol is a saint. When I think I have it bad here, I know she is having it 7 times worse.
Another weather related bit of news, UofI basketball players Jamar Smith and Brian Carlwell were involved in a bad accident Monday night. Smith was driving, apparently lost control and hit a tree. Saw the car on the news, looked like the passenger side took the brunt of the damage. Smith was treated and released from Carle with a concussion. Carlwell was at first listed in critial condition, was upgraded to serious. Smith was ticketed for improper lane usage. No other comments from the Athletic Association or Coach Weber. But my gut says that Smith will be suspended for the rest of the season. I feel bad for Brian and his family. Brian had his best game this year at Indiana. My prayers are with him.
Well, back to me. I was supposed to have my first session with radiation, starting with my CT staging, yesterday. Unfortunately, the radiation therapist all live out of town, so that was cancelled. I will call later today, if the clinic is open, to get it rescheduled. I hope it won't take long. I would like to get a good number of treatments under my belt before I go back to work.
I also had a bone density yesterday. When my CT was cancelled, I called to see if I was still on for the bone density. Collette answered the phone; she is the person who does that exam. She said I could come on over and have it done in the morning instead of waiting until the afternoon. So we got bundled up and went on over. Thank goodness I have the all wheel drive Escape. The hardest part was getting out of the driveway and subdivision, as they hadn't been plowed. The rest was a breeze. Stopped into convenient care and talked with them for a few minutes.
I talked with Jean Smith last week about possibly going part-time, either 3/5 or 4/5. I will talk with Melody McCammack next week when she gets back from vacation. I don't think that I want to do 12 hour days. My tentative March schedule in convenient care looks doable to me. If I do 2 7hour days in Internal Medicine (can't do 8 hours because of radition treatments) that will give me around 32-36 hours.
My head and energy levels are clearing up and I can do more in my quilting room. I finished the baby quilt for Dr. Ho's new grandson Gabriel. I finished the quilt top for Donna, Wayne's daughter. I am waiting on the backing material from equilter.com to be able to finish it. I am going to quilt it off the frame. Going to see if I can go to the Cunningham's and lay it out on their basement floor to put the sandwich together. Will have to dodge Ben and Andrea, but it will be fun to have the company. I am now working on finishing 2005 Quilt Shop Hop quilt. I have 7 blocks done, and hope to have the rest done before I get the backing material for Donna's quilt.
Wayne must be getting cabin fever. He flies off the handle at the least little thing. I am trying to be as patient as I can. I try to point out in a nice way that he is coming across very nasty and accusatory. I don't think he is going to change. I just wish he wouldn't get worse.
My best friend Steve is just not doing any better. He had a feeding tube inserted last week. That has given him one more thing to worry about, which he doesn't need. Carol is a saint. When I think I have it bad here, I know she is having it 7 times worse.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Settling into a routine
I'm totally narcotic free. Not like I was a junkie, but I am not needing it for pain control. In fact, I have had some time where there was absolutely no pain at all. Most is a 1 or a 2, but some Tylenol takes care of that.
I told Wayne that I didn't want to leave the house today. I'm tired of running around, and it is tiring me out. I would like to have a good day of sitting in the house quilting.
I went to the open house at the Greek Orthodox church with Cindy and the kids. It was very interesting to see the church and hear about the church. They gave us some information to take home, which I will read. We had a nice lunch, learned how to make tyropitas (phyllo sheets with a filling of feta and ricotta, kind of like crab ragoon). Andrea and Benny got their faces painted. Wayne told me I couldn't go, that Catholics are forbidden from going to other churches. I told him I wasn't going to the services, just an open house. I asked Father Mal, and he agreed with me. Actually told me that I could go the services, I just couldn't partake in the Communion portion.
I woke up this morning missing my dad. He would be getting up early, even if he didn't have to. I sure miss Joe. I know he is always with me. He's my guardian angel. Just gonna have to settle for what I have.
I will be seeing Dr. Chaudry, a medical oncologist, tomorrow. Just to make sure that we are on the right track, and to see what long term medication would be the best. Tamoxifen is what Dr. Feinberg and Dr. Collins have talked about, and I am fine with that. There are other drugs out there, and just want to make sure that I am getting the absolutely appropriate treatment.
I told Wayne that I didn't want to leave the house today. I'm tired of running around, and it is tiring me out. I would like to have a good day of sitting in the house quilting.
I went to the open house at the Greek Orthodox church with Cindy and the kids. It was very interesting to see the church and hear about the church. They gave us some information to take home, which I will read. We had a nice lunch, learned how to make tyropitas (phyllo sheets with a filling of feta and ricotta, kind of like crab ragoon). Andrea and Benny got their faces painted. Wayne told me I couldn't go, that Catholics are forbidden from going to other churches. I told him I wasn't going to the services, just an open house. I asked Father Mal, and he agreed with me. Actually told me that I could go the services, I just couldn't partake in the Communion portion.
I woke up this morning missing my dad. He would be getting up early, even if he didn't have to. I sure miss Joe. I know he is always with me. He's my guardian angel. Just gonna have to settle for what I have.
I will be seeing Dr. Chaudry, a medical oncologist, tomorrow. Just to make sure that we are on the right track, and to see what long term medication would be the best. Tamoxifen is what Dr. Feinberg and Dr. Collins have talked about, and I am fine with that. There are other drugs out there, and just want to make sure that I am getting the absolutely appropriate treatment.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Life in the slow lane
I have started to take the family calendar with me to appointments, so that I can keep track of all the activities. Between my doctor appointments, Wayne's doctor appointments, and the Chrysler's appointments, we are finding ourselves coming and going.
Had my second post-op appt with Dr. Sommers. She thought things were looking very good. She cut out the stitch that had popped out below my right breast, at the intersection incision. She will see me again in 4 weeks. I asked her about mammograms vs. MRI for cancer surveillance, and she felt that mammograms should be okay. I'm thinking at first, maybe both would be a good idea.
I now own more bras that I can actually wear than I ever have. With changing them everyday due to the antibiotic ointment, I need to have a small wardrobe. And it still feels great to be able to walk into WalMart and pick one off the rack. With a choice.
Wayne will have his Cardiolite Persantine Stress Test tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be just fine.
The Bears are in the Super Bowl! Best game this year against the Saints. Lets hope they can play that good against the Colts. The Colts looked pretty good against the Patriots.
Illinois beat Indiana last night. The guys looked good, not great. But they were definitely hustling. I thought Coach Weber was gonna blow a gasket.
Had my second post-op appt with Dr. Sommers. She thought things were looking very good. She cut out the stitch that had popped out below my right breast, at the intersection incision. She will see me again in 4 weeks. I asked her about mammograms vs. MRI for cancer surveillance, and she felt that mammograms should be okay. I'm thinking at first, maybe both would be a good idea.
I now own more bras that I can actually wear than I ever have. With changing them everyday due to the antibiotic ointment, I need to have a small wardrobe. And it still feels great to be able to walk into WalMart and pick one off the rack. With a choice.
Wayne will have his Cardiolite Persantine Stress Test tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be just fine.
The Bears are in the Super Bowl! Best game this year against the Saints. Lets hope they can play that good against the Colts. The Colts looked pretty good against the Patriots.
Illinois beat Indiana last night. The guys looked good, not great. But they were definitely hustling. I thought Coach Weber was gonna blow a gasket.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Free at last!
Pardons to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I know that decreasing my breast size is not to be compared with the centuries of servitude and prejudice that people of color have experienced. I just couldn't resist.
I saw Dr. Sommers Tuesday for my first post-op check. She seemed very pleased with the results. She left the steri-strips on, but said that I could work on them in the shower with soap and water. She put my new sports bra on me, and I can't tell you how good it felt. Well, I told Wayne at least ten times how good it felt! The bandages were such a pain. They kept slipping.
Went home and took a shower. THAT felt good, as I hadn't had one in 5 days. Got most of the steri-strips off, thought my left nipple was going to come off with the strips, but left those on for a while, eventually got them all off. I have some red blisters where I reacted to some tape. She told me to use triple antibiotic cream on this incisions, which I am. Also using hydrocortisone cream to the reactive areas.
Back to that bra. Paid over 60 bucks for the thing, felt good at first, but then it started rubbing on my incisions. Took it off, and found it had a very rough seam at the top of the band, bottom of the cups, and that was rubbing against my incisions. And unfortunately, I still had some Betadine on my breasts, and that got on the white fabric. Made it look terrible. It felt better to wear it with the lower 3 or 4 hooks undone. I am sure it will be great when I get healed up. It is soaking now. Went to Walmart and found 2 that I think will work. I'm wearing one now. It is made of soft knit, hooks in the front. Doesn't rub anywhere. Wearing it to bed, because the compression still feels better than just hanging free. Well, they aren't hanging. They are perky. Haven't had perky breasts in 40 years.
So, I know the question is bound to come up, do I miss them? To be gross, like a boil on a butt. The only thing that those large boobs did was camoflage my belly. Which as soon as I get healed up, I am going to work on. Mostly, that is going to take loosing 30 or so pounds. That I can do
I saw Dr. Sommers Tuesday for my first post-op check. She seemed very pleased with the results. She left the steri-strips on, but said that I could work on them in the shower with soap and water. She put my new sports bra on me, and I can't tell you how good it felt. Well, I told Wayne at least ten times how good it felt! The bandages were such a pain. They kept slipping.
Went home and took a shower. THAT felt good, as I hadn't had one in 5 days. Got most of the steri-strips off, thought my left nipple was going to come off with the strips, but left those on for a while, eventually got them all off. I have some red blisters where I reacted to some tape. She told me to use triple antibiotic cream on this incisions, which I am. Also using hydrocortisone cream to the reactive areas.
Back to that bra. Paid over 60 bucks for the thing, felt good at first, but then it started rubbing on my incisions. Took it off, and found it had a very rough seam at the top of the band, bottom of the cups, and that was rubbing against my incisions. And unfortunately, I still had some Betadine on my breasts, and that got on the white fabric. Made it look terrible. It felt better to wear it with the lower 3 or 4 hooks undone. I am sure it will be great when I get healed up. It is soaking now. Went to Walmart and found 2 that I think will work. I'm wearing one now. It is made of soft knit, hooks in the front. Doesn't rub anywhere. Wearing it to bed, because the compression still feels better than just hanging free. Well, they aren't hanging. They are perky. Haven't had perky breasts in 40 years.
So, I know the question is bound to come up, do I miss them? To be gross, like a boil on a butt. The only thing that those large boobs did was camoflage my belly. Which as soon as I get healed up, I am going to work on. Mostly, that is going to take loosing 30 or so pounds. That I can do
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Getting back to normal
I overdid it yesterday. I didn't mean to, it just snuck up on me. I got up as normal. Had my coffee and checked my email. Shampooed my hair and got cleaned up. Got Wayne ready after his shower. The pup and I went for our daily walk, which we hadn't done since day of surgery. Fixed bacon, eggs, and toast, and cleaned up the kitchen. Then sewed two quilt blocks for the quilt I am making for Dr. Ho's new grandson. Felt a little blah, so that's why I stopped at 2. Ordered flowers for Nancy to thank her for coming down and helping me. Played Tetris. Then we started running errands. Here's what got me.
First, we went to Confidentially Yours, and got measured and bought a sports bra. Then went down to Christie on Windsor to drop off another Vicodin prescription, and to pick up prescriptions that were already called in and ready. While there, I went upstairs to IM and saw Dr. Sundaram, Jan, and Jen. Then stopped by and talked with Dr. Collins (did I mention she called me Sunday night to see how I was doing). Went down to the break room and talked with Jeannette, then went over to Convenient Care and talked with those folks. Then went to pharmacy and picked up all my prescriptions.
After this, we went to the CPAP Store. Wayne's newest CPAP was fine, but it was only set at 16, and his old one was set at 18, and that was why he felt like he was getting more air with the old one. Huey set us up with a new machine, set at 18, and is going to start billing Medicare. Huey is really going out of his way to take care of us. It is so great to have friends.
Then we went to Christie downtown for Wayne's appointment with Dr. Sehy. Dr. Sehy said it was either his heart or his lungs giving him the problem, as his kidney function tests were normal, actually looked slightly improved. His A1c was 8, not good, but we have other things to worry about. He went down for a chest x-ray. While he was getting his x-ray, I went and talked with Dr. Fernandez, the radiologist, to let her know what had happened since the breast MRI and that she was spot on correct on her suspicions. She said that since I have had the surgery, and the history of the cancer, that we should probably get yearly MRIs of the breast for screening, rather than relying on the mammograms. She even indicated that if insurance would balk, that we could get it done anyway. Thank you, God, for all my friends.
Well, the CXR was normal, but the EKG showed a right bundle branch block, which was a change from 2003. Dr. Sehy refered him to cardiology, and we could have had an appointment the next day, but I have my post-op appt in Springfield with Dr. Sommers. Wayne does have an appointment next Monday with Dr. Wingo. Probably not my first choice, but Cheryl Mangers felt that he would be a good choice for Wayne. And once he is an established cardiology patient, he could see Cheryl. Dr. Sehy also ordered PFTs, which will be done 2/2/2007. By this time, my ass is dragging. I think I got a little dehydrated, because I felt a little better after I got a drink from the water fountain. But it had been most of the day since I had had anything for pain, and then that was just two plain Tylenols.
Got home, and then I got cranky. Unloaded the car, and had to put away all the CPAP machines. I had decided while we were still at Christie downtown that we should order pizza to be delivered. Now, for anybody else, this should be a slamdunk. Nothing is a slamdunk with Wayne, because you have to make all these choices and decisions, and he doesn't want to make a decision. Even after I told him that I didn't care, just make a decision and stop asking me, he was still asking. After all the ado, we ended up getting the pizza from Papa John's, which is where I told him to get it from in the first place. And of course, Wayne has to pay a little bit extra to get more pizza than we need. I was still a little bit cranky. Funny thing with that is that Wayne's buddy Donny had surgery end of December, and Wayne was commenting to his wife on the phone that Donny was cranky with him and so Wayne knew he wasn't feeling well. I get cranky, and all I get is the oh so insightful "you're certainly cranky". I think the problem is that Wayne feels that I didn't need to have the surgery, so I just did this to myself. Get over it. Because you don't have cancer, they cut it out. You have to be healthy, because you have to take care of me. Yadda, yadda, yadda..............Wayne is Wayne. He has been totally self-centered since the day I met him. He isn't going to change.
I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I took a Tylenol PM, but it didn't do its usually magic, but I had heartburn and gastitis, from the pizza, I guess. Woke up around 3, drenched in sweat. Worst hot flash I had ever had. But it may have been my fever breaking. Forgot to mention that I was feeling a little feverish when we got home, and my temperature was 99.8. This is Wayne, I was walking around with a thermometer in my mouth, and he never even noticed. I know, I shouldn't have been walking around with it in my mouth, but Wayne had needs to be taken care of (I really have a hard time understanding why he curses when he has a crap, as I am the one who has to wipe his ass. But if I were to curse, 1) it would be out of character for me, 2) I'm a nurse, isn't this what nurses do? 3) Wayne would say, if I could do it, don't you think I would? and make me feel bad (I know, Eleanor Roosevelt said no one can make you feel bad without your permission, can I undo all these many years of self-imposed guilt?)). Okay, that was a major digression. Got up, took another Vicodin, got back to sleep. Wayne woke me up about an hour later, and he was feeling bad. Checked his sugar, and it was 44. Can't believe it, as he ate 6 slices of pizza, and had some frozen fruit bars. But gave him 2 glasses of OJ, and 2 PopTarts, and some Mint Meltaways. By 5:30, he was in the 130s and sleeping. I am up writing in my journal.
First, we went to Confidentially Yours, and got measured and bought a sports bra. Then went down to Christie on Windsor to drop off another Vicodin prescription, and to pick up prescriptions that were already called in and ready. While there, I went upstairs to IM and saw Dr. Sundaram, Jan, and Jen. Then stopped by and talked with Dr. Collins (did I mention she called me Sunday night to see how I was doing). Went down to the break room and talked with Jeannette, then went over to Convenient Care and talked with those folks. Then went to pharmacy and picked up all my prescriptions.
After this, we went to the CPAP Store. Wayne's newest CPAP was fine, but it was only set at 16, and his old one was set at 18, and that was why he felt like he was getting more air with the old one. Huey set us up with a new machine, set at 18, and is going to start billing Medicare. Huey is really going out of his way to take care of us. It is so great to have friends.
Then we went to Christie downtown for Wayne's appointment with Dr. Sehy. Dr. Sehy said it was either his heart or his lungs giving him the problem, as his kidney function tests were normal, actually looked slightly improved. His A1c was 8, not good, but we have other things to worry about. He went down for a chest x-ray. While he was getting his x-ray, I went and talked with Dr. Fernandez, the radiologist, to let her know what had happened since the breast MRI and that she was spot on correct on her suspicions. She said that since I have had the surgery, and the history of the cancer, that we should probably get yearly MRIs of the breast for screening, rather than relying on the mammograms. She even indicated that if insurance would balk, that we could get it done anyway. Thank you, God, for all my friends.
Well, the CXR was normal, but the EKG showed a right bundle branch block, which was a change from 2003. Dr. Sehy refered him to cardiology, and we could have had an appointment the next day, but I have my post-op appt in Springfield with Dr. Sommers. Wayne does have an appointment next Monday with Dr. Wingo. Probably not my first choice, but Cheryl Mangers felt that he would be a good choice for Wayne. And once he is an established cardiology patient, he could see Cheryl. Dr. Sehy also ordered PFTs, which will be done 2/2/2007. By this time, my ass is dragging. I think I got a little dehydrated, because I felt a little better after I got a drink from the water fountain. But it had been most of the day since I had had anything for pain, and then that was just two plain Tylenols.
Got home, and then I got cranky. Unloaded the car, and had to put away all the CPAP machines. I had decided while we were still at Christie downtown that we should order pizza to be delivered. Now, for anybody else, this should be a slamdunk. Nothing is a slamdunk with Wayne, because you have to make all these choices and decisions, and he doesn't want to make a decision. Even after I told him that I didn't care, just make a decision and stop asking me, he was still asking. After all the ado, we ended up getting the pizza from Papa John's, which is where I told him to get it from in the first place. And of course, Wayne has to pay a little bit extra to get more pizza than we need. I was still a little bit cranky. Funny thing with that is that Wayne's buddy Donny had surgery end of December, and Wayne was commenting to his wife on the phone that Donny was cranky with him and so Wayne knew he wasn't feeling well. I get cranky, and all I get is the oh so insightful "you're certainly cranky". I think the problem is that Wayne feels that I didn't need to have the surgery, so I just did this to myself. Get over it. Because you don't have cancer, they cut it out. You have to be healthy, because you have to take care of me. Yadda, yadda, yadda..............Wayne is Wayne. He has been totally self-centered since the day I met him. He isn't going to change.
I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I took a Tylenol PM, but it didn't do its usually magic, but I had heartburn and gastitis, from the pizza, I guess. Woke up around 3, drenched in sweat. Worst hot flash I had ever had. But it may have been my fever breaking. Forgot to mention that I was feeling a little feverish when we got home, and my temperature was 99.8. This is Wayne, I was walking around with a thermometer in my mouth, and he never even noticed. I know, I shouldn't have been walking around with it in my mouth, but Wayne had needs to be taken care of (I really have a hard time understanding why he curses when he has a crap, as I am the one who has to wipe his ass. But if I were to curse, 1) it would be out of character for me, 2) I'm a nurse, isn't this what nurses do? 3) Wayne would say, if I could do it, don't you think I would? and make me feel bad (I know, Eleanor Roosevelt said no one can make you feel bad without your permission, can I undo all these many years of self-imposed guilt?)). Okay, that was a major digression. Got up, took another Vicodin, got back to sleep. Wayne woke me up about an hour later, and he was feeling bad. Checked his sugar, and it was 44. Can't believe it, as he ate 6 slices of pizza, and had some frozen fruit bars. But gave him 2 glasses of OJ, and 2 PopTarts, and some Mint Meltaways. By 5:30, he was in the 130s and sleeping. I am up writing in my journal.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
A new me!
Life didn't slow down. Until Thursday, January 11. That's when the new me came into being.
Just to recap what happened this week. I worked 8-2 Sunday in Convenient Care. Worked 8-5 in Internal Medicine on Monday. We had a dept meeting that evening. Tuesday I worked the first hour in Convenient Care for Dr. Browder, then I had my pre-op physical with Dr. Collins. Worked the rest of Tuesday in Internal Medicine. Wednesday, I had my consultation with Dr. Shultz and the team at the Christie Cancer Center. What I thought was going to be a 30 minute appt turned out to be almost 2 hours. But got lots of good information. Worked a few hours in Internal Medicine. Showed Dr. Ho how to do his worklist....I don't think he got it. Probably gonna get some phone calls before I come back to work. Got home about 3, after stopping at SunSinger for some wine. At home, set up my Memorial Stadium bench, and hung my newest wallhanging up, Hang in There, Chief! Then cousin Nancy came. We visited, then I went and got my hair done, then we went out to eat at El Toro.
Thursday was D-Day. After taking Scooter to the vet, we drove to Springfield. I was afraid Wayne was having a heart attack; he got very purple in the face after walking in from the parking lot. He needs to take his Lasix, even if he does have to go to the bathroom more often. We got him settled into a wheelchair. Then the surgicenter staff started working on me. Nancy worked surgicenters in Chicago, and she was very impressed with this one. Bill was my pre-op nurse. He made me feel very comfortable. I am impressed that they gave me a scrub pants to wear. I figured I would not have one for this surgery. We had a few laughs, and I met Lisa who took my intake information on the phone last week. The pre-op room did not look like a hospital room. It looked like a private waiting room. But this is where Bill started my saline lock, and Dr. Sommers came and marked my breasts. Then they walked me into the surgical suite. I have to admit, I got nervous. I thought about calling the whole thing off. But I started praying, and Wayne the anesthetist gave me the propofol, and next thing I know it's done.
I really don't think I tolerated the anesthesia very well. My head just felt awful. I was in some pain, but it was my head that I was having a hard time tolerating. They gave me 4mg of Fentanyl. I got dizzy and nauseated when I sat up. They gave me some Compazine, which of course just added to the medicine head. The ice chips tasted wonderful.
We were going to stay the night in Springfield, but the hotel turned out to not be very disability friendly. Wayne was going to have to walk way too far. We decided to just drive home. I slept in the back seat. Was very happy to see my bed. Took 2 T-3s, and zoned out. The pain pills are my friend. But the anesthesia is finally out of my system. Call me crazy, but I could smell it in my urine. Spent most of Friday either laying on the couch, or in bed. Did read Wednesday's news paper. Scooter was happy to see me and to be home, too.
I am so glad that Nancy is here. I know she is not doing a lot, but the few things that she is doing is so beneficial. Just knowing that someone is here in case I get into trouble is worth a million.
Just to recap what happened this week. I worked 8-2 Sunday in Convenient Care. Worked 8-5 in Internal Medicine on Monday. We had a dept meeting that evening. Tuesday I worked the first hour in Convenient Care for Dr. Browder, then I had my pre-op physical with Dr. Collins. Worked the rest of Tuesday in Internal Medicine. Wednesday, I had my consultation with Dr. Shultz and the team at the Christie Cancer Center. What I thought was going to be a 30 minute appt turned out to be almost 2 hours. But got lots of good information. Worked a few hours in Internal Medicine. Showed Dr. Ho how to do his worklist....I don't think he got it. Probably gonna get some phone calls before I come back to work. Got home about 3, after stopping at SunSinger for some wine. At home, set up my Memorial Stadium bench, and hung my newest wallhanging up, Hang in There, Chief! Then cousin Nancy came. We visited, then I went and got my hair done, then we went out to eat at El Toro.
Thursday was D-Day. After taking Scooter to the vet, we drove to Springfield. I was afraid Wayne was having a heart attack; he got very purple in the face after walking in from the parking lot. He needs to take his Lasix, even if he does have to go to the bathroom more often. We got him settled into a wheelchair. Then the surgicenter staff started working on me. Nancy worked surgicenters in Chicago, and she was very impressed with this one. Bill was my pre-op nurse. He made me feel very comfortable. I am impressed that they gave me a scrub pants to wear. I figured I would not have one for this surgery. We had a few laughs, and I met Lisa who took my intake information on the phone last week. The pre-op room did not look like a hospital room. It looked like a private waiting room. But this is where Bill started my saline lock, and Dr. Sommers came and marked my breasts. Then they walked me into the surgical suite. I have to admit, I got nervous. I thought about calling the whole thing off. But I started praying, and Wayne the anesthetist gave me the propofol, and next thing I know it's done.
I really don't think I tolerated the anesthesia very well. My head just felt awful. I was in some pain, but it was my head that I was having a hard time tolerating. They gave me 4mg of Fentanyl. I got dizzy and nauseated when I sat up. They gave me some Compazine, which of course just added to the medicine head. The ice chips tasted wonderful.
We were going to stay the night in Springfield, but the hotel turned out to not be very disability friendly. Wayne was going to have to walk way too far. We decided to just drive home. I slept in the back seat. Was very happy to see my bed. Took 2 T-3s, and zoned out. The pain pills are my friend. But the anesthesia is finally out of my system. Call me crazy, but I could smell it in my urine. Spent most of Friday either laying on the couch, or in bed. Did read Wednesday's news paper. Scooter was happy to see me and to be home, too.
I am so glad that Nancy is here. I know she is not doing a lot, but the few things that she is doing is so beneficial. Just knowing that someone is here in case I get into trouble is worth a million.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Life is a whirl
I have been so busy the last few days. The visit to SIU Springfield was very good. Dr. Nicole Sommers is the plastic surgeon (her father Dr. Zook, was the original plastic surgeon I saw) seems very enthusiastic about my case. She gave accolades to Dr. Collins for being progressive enough to send me down there. Totally appropriate to do the breast reduction after the lumpectomy. Better to do it before the radiation, as the radiation will cause changes in the breast tissue, and make the reduction on the left much more difficult.
So, I am scheduled for the surgery on January 11 at 1:00pm. My cousin Nancy is coming down from Chicago to help me. Nancy is a retired surgical nurse. Her last job was at one of the surgicenters in downtown Chicago. She has helped with these procedures, so she will be a great help. We will spend Thursday night after the surgery at the State House Inn in Springfield. Before we leave town, we will stop by and see Dr. Sommers for a quick check.
I spent a lot of time the other day on the phone talking with Springfield, getting my pre-op registration and stuff down. Getting detail questions answered. This and I saw a full schedule of patients, plus worked down in convenient care after work. Same thing yesterday, making arrangements for the hotel, and boarding for Scooter.
Wayne told me that I don't have cancer. This was in response to a remark that I made that I could always play the "I have cancer" card, looking for a little sympathy. My remark was made lighthearted. He was fairly serious. He said that as they had cut out the cancer, I don't have cancer. Now, this is not because he has this wonderful great attitude about my survival. It is because I can't be disabled, because I have to take care of him. His main concern about the surgery and if I had to stay overnight in the hospital was who was going to take care of him. He is worse than a small child. I am sure that he is thinking, why are you going to torture yourself with surgery, when you don't have to. Just get the radiation, and keep working. He is also concerned that I don't have the sick time to cover my time off. Gotta have that money coming in, even though we can live quite comfortably without my salary.
Speaking of money and Wayne's material ways, we were at Applebee's last night with the Cunningham's for our usual Friday night outing. Wayne pulled into the handicap spot, and I got out to see if they were busy. When I got out, I told him he was crooked in the spot, and he was hanging over the side, into the next space. He moved it while I was inside. Only problem was the rebar that they use to secure the parking block was sticking up, and Wayne got his lower front bumper caught on it, and when he backed up it tore a whole in the bumper. The way he describes it, it tore off half the bumper. He was his usual very upset, angry. Called the manager over, an incident report was completed, they took photos (with a cell phone camera). Wayne wanted to call the police and file a report. Keith talked him out of it. Wayne is convinced now that his car will never be the same, even if they do an exceptional job. So I am sure he will take the loss, and trade it in for something else. So a small hole in Wayne's car bumper is taking major precedence over my breast cancer, which I don't have. I just need to keep taking care of his every need, and stop being so self-centered and stop worrying about myself. Worry about the things that matter. Like a bumper on a car. This is my life.
So, I am scheduled for the surgery on January 11 at 1:00pm. My cousin Nancy is coming down from Chicago to help me. Nancy is a retired surgical nurse. Her last job was at one of the surgicenters in downtown Chicago. She has helped with these procedures, so she will be a great help. We will spend Thursday night after the surgery at the State House Inn in Springfield. Before we leave town, we will stop by and see Dr. Sommers for a quick check.
I spent a lot of time the other day on the phone talking with Springfield, getting my pre-op registration and stuff down. Getting detail questions answered. This and I saw a full schedule of patients, plus worked down in convenient care after work. Same thing yesterday, making arrangements for the hotel, and boarding for Scooter.
Wayne told me that I don't have cancer. This was in response to a remark that I made that I could always play the "I have cancer" card, looking for a little sympathy. My remark was made lighthearted. He was fairly serious. He said that as they had cut out the cancer, I don't have cancer. Now, this is not because he has this wonderful great attitude about my survival. It is because I can't be disabled, because I have to take care of him. His main concern about the surgery and if I had to stay overnight in the hospital was who was going to take care of him. He is worse than a small child. I am sure that he is thinking, why are you going to torture yourself with surgery, when you don't have to. Just get the radiation, and keep working. He is also concerned that I don't have the sick time to cover my time off. Gotta have that money coming in, even though we can live quite comfortably without my salary.
Speaking of money and Wayne's material ways, we were at Applebee's last night with the Cunningham's for our usual Friday night outing. Wayne pulled into the handicap spot, and I got out to see if they were busy. When I got out, I told him he was crooked in the spot, and he was hanging over the side, into the next space. He moved it while I was inside. Only problem was the rebar that they use to secure the parking block was sticking up, and Wayne got his lower front bumper caught on it, and when he backed up it tore a whole in the bumper. The way he describes it, it tore off half the bumper. He was his usual very upset, angry. Called the manager over, an incident report was completed, they took photos (with a cell phone camera). Wayne wanted to call the police and file a report. Keith talked him out of it. Wayne is convinced now that his car will never be the same, even if they do an exceptional job. So I am sure he will take the loss, and trade it in for something else. So a small hole in Wayne's car bumper is taking major precedence over my breast cancer, which I don't have. I just need to keep taking care of his every need, and stop being so self-centered and stop worrying about myself. Worry about the things that matter. Like a bumper on a car. This is my life.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Another day
I saw Dr. Feinberg yesterday for my post-op visit after the SNB. He took the steri-strips off. Everything is looking fine. The numbness that I am having is normal. I asked him what the course of action would be if I were to just stay in town. He said I would go for radiation, then tamoxifen. Okay. Sounds good. I just like to know what my options are.
So, today I go down to Springfield to see what the folks at the SIU Springfield Breast Cancer Center have to say. I need to pick up my mammograms from Christie Clinic and hand carry them with me. The folks down there told me that they have everything else, including my slides. Thank you, Dr. Collins.
So, today I go down to Springfield to see what the folks at the SIU Springfield Breast Cancer Center have to say. I need to pick up my mammograms from Christie Clinic and hand carry them with me. The folks down there told me that they have everything else, including my slides. Thank you, Dr. Collins.
Monday, January 1, 2007
Happy New Year
Happy New Year! Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007! Just as I can barely assimilate that I am living in the 21st century, I still am having a hard time assimilating that I have breast cancer. I guess it will strike me when I have more surgery, or the radiation therapy. Or maybe it is a good thing. I am a person. I am not breast cancer.
I am hoping to spend the day quietly, quilting, cooking, reading, learning about Electric Quilt 6 (EQ6). That is a way cool program that helps you design quilts on the computer. It is like electronic graph paper and crayons!
I am hoping to spend the day quietly, quilting, cooking, reading, learning about Electric Quilt 6 (EQ6). That is a way cool program that helps you design quilts on the computer. It is like electronic graph paper and crayons!
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