Feeling blue

I was really feeling blue Sunday evening. I worked Sunday 8-2 in convenient care, and of course we were busy. But I got through it and stayed in a good mood. Got home, still doing well. Sometime around supper time it just hit me. We were trying to decide where we would go to eat supper. We decided on Niro's Gyros, as Wayne had never eaten there before. It hit me while we were eating. Wayne is terribly disabled, and he just doesn't care to do anything about it. He won't even stand at a counter to give his order. He sits down and barks orders at me. Of course, I got his wrong, and they had to change it. I got more food than I wanted, because there was a deal, there's always got to be a deal. Fortunately, the gyros taste okay left over. But as I am sitting there watching Wayne shove huge amounts of food into his mouth, I was so disgusted. Here is a man who can barely walk because he has let his body disintegrate, his diabetes is totally out of control, and he doesn't care. Margaret will take care of me. So what if I can't even wipe my own ass after I defecate, Margaret will. So what if Margaret is trapped and can't even go away for a short weekend respite. So what is Margaret feels cheated, because her husband is not really a husband, but more of a patient. Her children are dead. Her best friend and confidante is dead.

I'm glad I didn't reduce my Lexapro dosage.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was better than most. I volunteered to work at Convenient Care, as I figured most people would not wish to work. It was not busy, not like the Sunday before when I saw 40 people in 6 hours. It was a pretty day out, warm with a nice breeze. When I got off work, I went to WalMart to buy a plant stand for the nice planter that the Cunningham's got me for Mother's day. Ended up buying a miniature rose, a hibiscus, a new sprinkler, some patch grass mix, rhizomes for lilies of the valley (don't know where I'm gonna plant those), and a statue of a puppy holding a bone in his mouth and a sign around his neck saying "Welcome". Got the plant stand, also. Came home, took a walk, then worked in the yard a little bit.

I got an MP3 player for mother's day. There was a Sony Walkman on Woot.com. I don't know why I have been wanting one. The Sony has an FM tuner, so I thought at least I could use it as a radio. Cindy Cunningham told us that their experience with generic MP3 players was bad, so they ended up getting Katie an IPOD. But I didn't have any problem getting the Sony connected on my laptop. Was able to download songs from the internet (of course, from Sony's site) and also transfered from a CD to the player.

Joey would have had an IPOD when they first came out. He loved his music. He was also into all the technical stuff. I think he would have been a great road crew member.

Met the new neighbors, Joyce and Karl. They are very nice. Karl is a retired prof from the UofI.

Joey's presence

This is something I typically would talk with Steve about. But, no can do. I know that Steve knows about it, because I know that he is watching over me.

Yesterday in Convenient Care, I thought about Joe a lot. My last patient of the day I sutured. He was an Eagle Scout, and he reminded me a lot of Joe. When I went home, I checked my email on AOL. Now, I still have Joe's two screen names on our account. I know, I just don't want to give that away. Anyway, sometimes when I try to sign onto AOL, my screen name will get flipped to Wayne's, which is listed just below mine. Joe's two screen names are below Wayne's. Last night, after I entered my password, the program said that I needed to enter a password. When I closed that screen, one of Joe's screen names was on the sign in. How about that for wierd. I cried myself to sleep, thinking about Joe.

Feeling pretty good. Enjoying the weather. Still not very part time, as we are down 2 PRN providers in convenient care. But it still is better than internal medicine.

Working part-time

I now feel that I am officially part-time. Monday was last day in Internal Medicine. My patients were sad, but they understand. Unfortunately, most of them have been through multiple providers, and they felt that I was the anchor that could keep them stable.

The department had a big carry in for me on Monday. Then Dr. Sundaram took us (our team) out to supper at Biaggi's. It was a nice day to end one chapter and go to the next.

No new symptoms with the Femara. My back is bothering me some. The crazy thing is, it starts hurting when I am at work. Not when I have been working in the yard. Heat seems to be the only thing that makes it feel better. Then it is better the next morning. Crazy.

I passed out May baskets filled with candy yesterday. I had made the baskets, they were coiled fabric, technique I learned from Fons and Porter.

I am so enjoying the nice weather. Wayne is using his mobility scooter almost every day when the weather is nice. I am so glad he is getting out more.